Frost 85th, Year 119, Age of Steel
To stay in Kalzasi for the next season, or to leave and travel somewhere else? Somewhere... warmer, preferably. She hadn't' decided yet. She'd grown fond of Talon throughout the season, so a small part of her wanted to stay in Kalzasi a little bit longer even if it was only for a part of Glade. A different part of her cried that it was cold here and she wanted to be somewhere warm. Another part yet called out in agony over missing home.
Every time she thought of Atinaw she got a little sad. She was going to be missing one of her favorite holidays, even if she didn't have anyone to celebrate with anymore. She could still go to Raellon and spend time with the people there. Maybe even little Linden would still be around and willing to spend the holidays with her! No, she didn't want to be a burden. It seemed that those she was currently fond of lived in Kalzasi for one reason or another.
She felt another yank as her thoughts scattered in different directions, arguing for this or that. Staying in Kalzasi wasn't the best decision either though. She couldn't start a business until she actually got her citizenship. And finding someone who was willing to back her during the process was... a challenge. Then again she hadn't actually asked anyone. She'd gone back and forth time and time again regarding asking Talon to support her, but she didn't want to cause any problems. What if he didn't feel comfortable supporting her yet? She didn't want to make him feel awkward. Or worse yet, upset him and get herself kicked out. Of course, Talon was too nice to actually do that to her. But she was feeling pessimistic and homesick and all sorts of other feelings she didn't want to feel anymore.
At the end fo the day, she'd realized a long time ago that home wasn't a place even if Atinaw was pretty close to home. Home was people. Atinaw, Raellon had just been home for so long because it was where she grew up. The people she loved were there. But those people were getting older and Alyssum was approaching 60 seemingly untouched by time. There were always other rathari, ones that occasionally traveled with her when she was younger, but she hadn't seen a familiar face in a while. Then again, was she really looking? A lot of the rath she traveled with had been closer to her own age, so of course, some of them still have to be alive wandering around. Assuming they or their Purposes hadn't gotten them killed yet. Alyssum even with her mildly tame purpose had gotten close a couple times, singing the praises of Dragon Gods in places where she really should have just kept her mouth shut.
Another rathari would probably understand how she felt. Every rathari had felt the pang of something in their chest missing. That gentle and ever-constant ache of something being broken. Not there. It hurt and it never seemed to want to go away, but they lived with it and dealt with it and they moved on.
Her own breath visibly curled around her as she took a heavy sigh, the dark atmosphere of Kalzasi in late frost truly matching the heaviness ice in her own heart the longer she thought about things that were missing and probably wasn't ever coming back. Maybe the Purpose itself was just some messed up fool's errand, keeping the rathari running after something they could never get back. It was gone. They were gone. The rathtori were without question absolutely entirely gone.
Or maybe she was just getting pessimistic because she was sad, cold, and homesick for a place she didn't remember. A place she couldn't find.
She probably would have sunk even deeper into that depressive state if it wasn't for the flash of a black tail splashed with colors in the corner of her vision. She whipped her head around, frantically looking around for it. Her. Oh! Oh! Yes, oh yes! Alyssum's mood completely 180ed at the flash of something familiar, something friendly, something that reminded her of home. Her tail shot straight up and started to whip the air. "Sister! Sister!" She cried out. Not for an actual sister in blood, but for a sister that had been made after hours and days and weeks of a shared road. She cried out the Vithmi greeting, standing up from the ground where she'd been curled up people watching, and her expression shifted into a smile as she raced towards the familiar, the rathari greeting still rolling from her tongue as she ran.