The Night Before [Brenner]

[Stefan Dornkirk]

Stefan winced, trying, belatedly to keep it from showing. It made sense that Brenner would be hurt if Stefan had been sharing things with Eitan and keeping them from him, but it hadn't been like that. The elder brother couldn't think of a way to explain it, other than that he'd failed.

The mood he'd been trying to hold onto began to slip, the elation of the situations sliding down into the realization that these would be the last few days he spent sharing a home with his brother. This time was always going to come, but there had been hope that they could step into it together, or at least make the choices together. Taking his own expensive drink in a shot he set the tumbler down.

"If..." He had to clear his throat, despite having just wet it, "If you disapprove of my choice, or the timing, it's not too late to change it. The wedding can be put off till after we return," If the both returned, "Or if you think Delia isn't the right woman for our family, I can explain it to her."

She would be disappointed, of course, possibly angry with him, but she would forgive. It was one of the reasons he felt safe in his choice, she wouldn't attack him for mistakes.

Perching himself on the arm of the sofa so he was able to, theoretically face his brother, Stefan shrugged one shoulder.

"I suppose I have to now. Even if I go to Delia in the morning, it would be unfair to send them into a society that will have gotten wind of it without a forewarning. If the wedding goes forward Mother will want to begin planning on the instant, I imagine. Likely spend hours cloistered with Lady Angevin trying to outdo each other. For the benefit of their children, at least." He bit his lower lip, in its center, hard, half thoughtful, half nervous.

"I should have Delia for dinner, let her get used to our parents before I abandon her in their care for brass knows how long. If you are busy, of course, the expedition comes first. Always."

He looked up as he spoke the last two sentences, trying to project with his eyes what he could not say in words. The expedition was important, but it wasn't what would always come first.

[Brenner Dornkirk]

"Don't be absurd." Brenner almost cringed at what he perceived to be backpedaling. "It was always to be a Dornkirk-Angevin match for you. I don't take exception to your choice, I am only taken aback by its suddenness. The last time we spoke of marriage was only a few months ago and you seemed altogether averse to the notion, and now?" He paused to let out a ponderous sigh.

"I thought we were closer- that I was more attuned to what was going on in your life, but..." He shook his head, "I'm just processing this. Don't..." A beat. "Let's not make a meal of this, hm? Why not let's just drink and you can give me a status report on the Nachtherr?" He kicked his chair out from under the desk and moved from his perch at desk's edge to the proper plush of the seat.

"I can work through my issues on my own time. I prefer not to roil whilst you gape on with puppydog eyes. I'll manage my feelings on the matter and, if I remain upset after a proper think, we can broach it again when my thoughts are more collected. I'm like mother in this- I don't fancy surprises, and I need a breath to brook them sometimes." He knew he'd already rendered a gash that would leave a scar... This was a big event in Stefan's life and this revelation was meant to be a joyous one, but now the memory would ever be marred by Brenner's reaction and the cruelty woven into his words. He couldn't unsay what he'd said, but he could distract himself with other matters until he was prepared to be civil on the matter.

"Well... You know, let me know what date you land on and, if my schedule permits..." He trailed off and shuffled through a few papers, eventually drawing out the most recent report on the Nachtherr.

"So, have you cracked the issue you were having with the dragonshard compatibility?"

[Stefan Dornkirk]

Brenner's outburst, his chastisement, was, in a way what Stefan had been waiting for. While it hurt, it felt correct and he was able to release some of the tension that had been building in his chest. Nodding he said,

"Of course. I'm sorry, brother. I got too caught up in the unexpected event and didn't think properly about how it would affect you. Let us talk of other things."

Moving to pour them both refills he stood a bit behind his brother's chair and read over his shoulder. It was a common post for them when they were trying to share information, Brenner standing behind Stefan at his desk at the Windworks or various others as they'd grown up together.

He dove wholly into the discussion, explaining how he'd managed to bypass the shard that was causing the problem altogether, use larger ones in the other position so there was no gap in the power distribution. They moved on to discuss other aspects of the expedition that Stefan was responsible for so he felt half like giving his superior officer a report, and half like spending time with his brother.

When his drink was done his hands moved, without any particular thought, as his mind was engaged elsewhere, to Brenner's shoulders, to the spots he knew held tension. He was, as always, hopeful that he might ease, in small ways, the burden his younger brother carried.

~~~~

"Well, then," The elder Dornkirk stated, moving closer to his casually attired brother, "If all our preparations are finished and we are allowed an evening of respite, I thought we might have a little celebration."

Pulling a small box from his pocket, Stefan placed it upon the surface of the desk. "I know it isn't yet midnight, and we should probably find our beds ere the clock strikes it, but it's close enough to your birthday that I hope you'll accept my well wishes."

It was a bit of a tradition, that Stefan was always the first one to wish Brenner felicitations on his birthday. Even when he'd had to wake up in the middle of the night or show up in odd places to manage it. He had broken out of the academy for it, earning himself hard stripes, broken into the same academy the last year Brenner was there but he wasn't, had taken an airship from the Windworks to meet him on the Searing Victory once. Now, all he had to do was go home, except, it wasn't home, and it felt, somehow, like a harder journey than any of the previous ones.

Inside the box, if it was opened, was what looked like an unusually large pocket watch, hinged on both sides, of a dark silvery metal. If the catch on the top was pressed one of the panels would open, if it was held down the second would. Under one was, indeed, a watch, beautifully made, with hands for hour, minute, second, and a place where the date was kept.
The date read: '4th Ash' In two separate but connected little panels that would spin to the next day, or the next season, as time passed.

Behind the second panel was an elaborate compass, with a barometer built-in and a small thermometer on one side. The entire piece was crafted with beauty in mind, but also tough enough for hard use. Brenner was an officer, the tools were ones he could use almost every day, and Stefan hadn't wanted to give him something that would break the moment he dropped it or someone stepped on it.

Stefan would explain what the features were, once Brenner had asked him, but would hold his tongue for a time otherwise. The piece had cost him more than any of the things he'd purchased for his own wedding, more than all of his wedding finery together, more than his wedding rings. It wasn't the cost that had mattered, it was the sentiment.

Inscribed on the inside of the compass panel were the words,

To My Brother,

So That You May Always Find Your Way Home

- Stefan Dornkirk

[Brenner Dornkirk]

Stefan's complete deference allowed Brenner to ease back into relative comfort within a matter of moments. Rather than forcing an awkward conversation to wax more awkward, he was allowed lebensraum with which to think on other matters. The expedition, being his current obsession, made the subject an ideal distraction from the prior vexation. He even patted one of Stefan's hands approvingly when it perched on his shoulder.

* * * * *

"Heh..." Brenner cracked a faint smile, "...would believe with all of my focus being on our great endeavour, to say nothing of your nuptials, I'd half forgotten I was turning thirty?" He smirked wryly, "Though I suppose it's only fitting that I should start a new decade with so many changes in my life. My dreams are gathering like storm clouds, my brother is an honest man starting his own household... Had I the misfortune to have been born a girl, I'd be a spinster myself now." He paused, glancing askance pensively.

"I think that is why I reacted so poorly when you told me. I'm a bit jealous..." He trailed off and turned his attentions to the box Stefan presented.

"Ought I open it now?" At Stefan's affirmation, he did. He knew straight away from the size of the instrument and the source of the gift that this would be more than a mere oversized timepiece. He opened it to the first and more obvious panel.

"A bit of Clockwork to inaugurate our imperial aims..." He punned as he regarded the clock face, holding it under the lamplight and shifting it to be viewed from different angles.

"And, what's this?" Brenner arched an eyebrow as he peeled back to the next layer, catching sight of the engraving before aught else. He teared up and placed the watch down quickly, but carefully, to draw Stefan into an embrace. He buried his face in the taller man's shoulder. He wasn't sobbing, but tears were falling and he would rather they sully Stefan's shirt rather than his image of his brother.

[Stefan Dornkirk]

A small smile reached Stefan's eyes at the idea that Brenner would have, in all his efforts, forgotten the day of his birth. It was so like him, selfless and hard working. He deserved all the good his elder brother could bring him on the occasion.

"I would believe it, this last season has been excessively demanding on all of us, but more especially on you." He spoke earnestly, with no teasing in it, even if the smile remained. There was a teasing note when he scoffed at the term 'spinster'.

"You're entering your prime, taking control of your destiny, being granted your first full command. Of the most important mission that has perhaps ever been undertaken for this city or this State, I might add."

When the quiet confession was made Stefan couldn't help sliding his hand into the hair at the base of his brother's neck and giving it a reassuring and fond squeeze.

"I am pleased with how things turned out, but I think it will be a long time before I can think of anywhere that you don't live as my home. I have harbored the hope that you might find a woman with whom you can share your life, that perhaps we might share a home again for a time. Delia and I would love to keep the future Mrs. Brenner Dornkirk entertained while you're away keeping us all safe. I honestly thought, despite our good mother's valiant attempts with me, that you would be the first to find yourself pinned with the matrimonial title. I imagine that, had our great nation not been so plagued with sedition and incursion, I might have been right."

A nod and affirmative hum were his responses when asked if the present should be opened and his attention was rapt as it was unwrapped. When Brenner stood and, unexpectedly filled his arms something in Stefan that had formed into a hard little knot eased and dissipated. Pressing his face into his brother's hair and holding him tightly, but not suffocatingly he just stood and held him, not entirely sure he wasn't going to cry himself.

He would not mention the tears, of course. It was right that they were able to express their deepest feelings to one another, but there was no reason it should be a topic of conversation. A part of Stefan wanted to stay thus forever, surrounded by the familiar scents and sounds of this space. The only one that his subconscious would acknowledge as 'home'.

[Brenner Dornkirk]

Brenner smiled at Stefan's reframing of how he'd characterised the recent transitions and advancements in his life. It was a more flattering portrayal, to be sure, though his own hadn't been altogether uncomplimentary. It was just the sort of thing he expected of Stefan- Ever his foremost cheerleader.

"Only if we succeed." Brenner noted, though his smile didn't fade. "If we fail, the mission was never undertaken at all as far as posterity will be concerned..." The First Minister had made that perfectly clear in their meeting, and the Air Commander saw fit to remind himself of that from time to time. In part it was a reality check, but it was also a source of encouragement. It made their success that much more pivotal.

"You're so sentimental..." Brenner observed, and the inflection made it sound like a compliment though it might have otherwise been mistaken for a critique. "This certainly does feel like the end of an era, for us..." He acknowledged grimly, allowing a slight sigh to escape his pursed lips.

"Again, I... didn't really take the time to process any of this until the day was upon us and now it all feels like so much." Upon his inhalation, he noted a new scent upon the neck against which he was nuzzling. Delia's perfume, he imagined...

"But we'll be in close quarters together for the next month or so, at least, so... A bit of a binge the precede the purge. I'm not sure if that will make it easier or more difficult, but..." He shrugged, "I guess that's part of growing up... A part we've staved off for longer than most. But of course wherever I land you'll always be welcome, and I know the same is true on your end." He drew back and dabbed at his eyes with his sleeves.

"Anyway..." He said, as if to change the subject though no further thoughts succeeded the adverb. Instead he just reached for his tumbler and took a sip.

[Stefan Dornkirk]

Stefan smiled a little at the comment about him being sentimental. His lack of sentimentality had been one of the major issues in all the attempts that had been made to see him married before his unsentimental proposal to Delia. He had even mentioned the fact in said proposal. She had accepted regardless, so all was well. Maybe it was only Brenner that brought out that stunted part of the elder Dornkirk brother.

"If I am, I think it must only be for you." Stefan left it at that though, flowing along with his brother's train of thought as they slowly disentangled themselves.

"We were both so busy. I certainly never stopped to process any of it. I still haven't, if I'm being honest. I doubt the trip will allow for it either. I think I might wake up in two months' time to finally realize that I'm married, battle-scarred, and with a great deal of science to do." His tone attempted to be amusing somewhere in the mix but failed rather exquisitely.

"The binge I am looking forward to, though it might not be the sort I am wanting, considering you'll be taking full command and I intend to respect that. As for the purge..."

He allowed Brenner to straighten himself a bit and reach for his glass so Stefan could look him in the face while he said the next part.

"I do hope you realize that Eitan and I will be expecting you to dine at White Knight Hall at every possible opportunity. I'll do hand-written notes at first if you like," This was a bit of teasing, "But I am serious, you are welcome at all times. I will absolutely hate it if you aren't there at least as often as we had Eitan here over the last few months."

As Brenner returned to his drink, Stefan picked up the birthday gift and then slung his arms around the slightly-shorter man's shoulders so they could both see the watch-compass together.

"Let me show you the rest." Turning the piece in his hands he began to point out the less obvious features,

"It's ash steel and thrice-tough glass. You can stomp on it in your boots and it won't even nick. I know, I made the craftsman prove it. The insides of the panels are silver, shined to reflect light from even faint sources and, for those moments when there isn't even faint light." He pointed to the little gear at the top, "If you turn it one way it will wind the watch, if you turn it the other..."

He demonstrated the winding briefly before turning the gear the other way. As he did a soft light began to emit from the watch, enough to easily read either face, as it was turned farther, until it reached its limit, the light grew brighter until it was the equivalent of a small hand lantern.

"It's Illumite inside, I thought, if you ever suspected illusions, or just needed to find your way to the privy in the dark, it might be useful."

He went on to explain how to pull up on the little gear and turn it if the date or time ever needed to be adjusted, but mostly he just relaxed in the comforting warmth of their continued closeness.

[Brenner Dornkirk]

"Perhaps..." Brenner conceded with a chortle, "But if that is so, I can't help but notice it. I only ever see you, after all, when I'm present..." It was a stupid joke, and he knew it, but his tongue was loosened after a few cups of schnapps and he was in a comfortable place and comfortable company. It was a great relief that Stefan was comfortable company again, after their little tiff over the suddenness of his proposal. Perhaps now that Stefan was waxing sentimental about the doors he was closing, he better understood why Brenner's kneejerk reaction had been such a dismal one.

Brenner pursed his lips as Stefan continued. Though Stefan was afforded direct eye-contact at the start of his thought, it was quickly averted toward the swirling amber in the tumbler.

"I think I would feel rather the gooseberry in that scenario..." Though he hadn't overtly said it to either of them, he didn't care for the arrangement. He hadn't been party to whatever discussions led his oldest friend and his only brother to such an unconventional decision with such queer implications, but now that it was settled it was just another of those topics he preferred not to think on when it was avoidable. As such, he was perfectly happy to move on to discussion the thoughtful gift in its stead.

"Ah, remarkable!" The shadow that had crossed his visage was cast away by the light emitting from the timepiece that was more than a timepiece. Now his smile beamed as brightly, as he turned it over in his hands and duplicated each of Stefan's demonstrations to make sure he knew how to work the apparatus on his own.

"A watch in and of itself would have been a splendid gift, but I might have expected a sight more from my clever brother." Once more, their eyes met and once more Brenner's were alight.

[Stefan Dornkirk]

The idea that Brenner might not often, or perhaps ever, come to Stefan's new home stung, rather a lot. Rather more than he was currently prepared to deal with, so he did as he always did in such circumstances and shoved it quickly into a box somewhere in the deep back of his brain where it could crawl out later, when he was alone and not otherwise occupied. The pain of it did not leave him, but he was quickly able to ignore it, and, as they were, for a few minutes, facing the timepiece instead of each other, he was able to school his features away from expressing it.

"I'll find my own place eventually, of course." He said, quietly and with no particular inflection as Brenner went through learning all the moving parts of his gift. "I just thought that, while we're away, Delia would be more comfortable in her brother's home, where she could be mistress, than trying to learn to bow to a new over-bearing mother figure. No better woman than Mother, of course, but she will have her way. I didn't think it was fair to abandon my wife and leave her in potentially hostile territory all at once."

Of course, he thought about it in military terms. Despite his discomfort with his own time in uniform, both in the academy and service, it had taken up all of his adolescence and the beginnings of his adulthood and would always be a part of how he thought.

When his brother turned in his arms, beaming up at him, it washed away all thought of his wife, their respective families, and the lingering sting of having his open invitation rejected. Mists, but Brenner was beautiful. Stefan knew he was biased, that he hero-worshiped his little brother some, but it all felt earned.

"We're they same age again." The few hours before midnight struck did not feel like they mattered, "We will be likely the entire time you're my commander."

[Brenner Dornkirk]

"Well, I should hope so..." Brenner replied with artless alacrity. He immediately regretted it, knowing that the sharpness of the response spoke volumes as to his disapproval of the arrangement. He just didn't really understand it. As he'd observed it, the children in the older, better established families remained at their family estates until they were wed, at which point they founded households of their own. Many spent more time in their parents' estates than in those newly settled manors, but they didn't tend to move in with friends or in-laws. In Brenner's mind, the entire point of marriage was to establish a new branch of the family and household to nurture it. Doing so as a quartet felt modern after a fashion that made him uncomfortable. Or perhaps it was just that he misliked the idea of Stefan and Eitan, who combined knew more of Brenner's secrets than anyone alive, would be together enough that they might share said secrets amongst themselves. Rather a mortifying notion, which he was quick to bottle up and stow away.

"That's..." He faltered, as he contrived something to say in response to Stefan's pretext for the decision. "...that's very altruistic of you, brother. It is good, I suppose, to put your new wife first. I shall have to learn to think along such lines as I ponder courting." He chuckled,

"Ah yes! What a convenient happenstance." He grinned impishly, "That ought to serve your pride. During the mission your commanding officer shan't be your junior." Brenner had certainly bristled when Eitan had acquired the same rank as he at a younger age. Even knowing it was likely due to nepotism did little to abate the frustration.

"Anyway. Thank you for affording me so much of your time on a night that I've no right to lay claim upon." He leaned forth to kiss Stefan's cheek and pat him on the shoulder.

End