Bedside Manner [Baudric]

[Kala Leukos]

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"Kaus might be disappointed to miss such an opportunity," she said with a quiet laugh, "but he will get over it. We both continue to train, although he has more time for it." Obviously, she spent some time at the Tranquil Gardens, but she didn't go into the work of maintaining her family zaibatsu's interests in Kalzasi proper. Financial affairs tended to bore warriors; they certainly bored Kaus. Some Avialae joked that was why women hadn't been granted wings; someone had to mind the shop. Kala tended to quietly bristle at such sexism. She would do her duty regardless, but she did feel as though she deserved wings.

"If you lack for a place to stay when you are discharged from the hospital, there are guest rooms at the Cintamani Pavilion, and we would be pleased to host you until you return home." She wasn't joking about hospitality, apparently.

"I will find a Gelerian cookbook for the kitchen so we know what to feed you other than ice cream. A fat Avialae is practically unheard of." She grinned. Even if he was laid up in the hospital for quite a while, an Avialae had to work at growing fat; whatever had been done to their metabolisms by Garel of Atoria made them quick to put on muscle and slow to put on fat. Sometimes she wished that had translated to the women, but she had enough explosive strength to make her daggers effective. She didn't need to wield a greatsword to be deadly when she needed to be.

"Do you have the equivalent of a Warren March in the Imperium? We have to prove ourselves in the Warrens before we are accounted adults. Well, the male Avialae, but I went with my brother anyway."

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[Baudric]

B A U D R I C

He smiled brighter as she laughed at Kaus' future disappointment. It really depended on what sort of mood Baudric was in if Kaus would approach him for such a thing. He made a promise to himself that day when he left the healers to his new barracks assignment, as an adult, in the Hall of Glory. "A place to stay would be good. I will consider it." The idea of a home cooked meal was enticing enough for him to contemplate her place rather than the Pavilion. But she had already done enough. He would at least check out the Pavilion first before he decided.

Warren March? He didn't recall having ever heard of this before, before he could ask she talked about it being the rite of passage that passed for their coming of age. His face dropped into stoicism. How could he talk to her about this? Not only was it a harrowing event but he was certain it a punishable offence to talk about to anyone, especially for not being an Imperium citizen. Clenching his fists on the fabric covering his legs as he stared at the ground. he felt the greyscape beginning to crowd his mind as the trauma was brought back.

He could still hear their cries of rage and betrayal. The clash of steel as blade crossed blade. Feel the fragility of another's body in his hands being crushed. See the ghosts of his fallen brothers, the blood on his hands. Inquisition officers looking on with indifference as they determined how many of the dwindling number would be of use to the Legion. His heart beating fast in his chest as he stilled himself to respond in cold calm.
"We do. You would willing watch such... violence? I. How? Why?"

His voice tensed.

[Kala Leukos]

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At his reaction, she wondered if she had misspoken, or something essential was being lost in translation. She clarified slowly.

"All those young Avialae presented themselves before the Shokaze," she said. "He bade is go into the Warrens and come back with a dragonshard." Her hand came up to touch the amulet around her neck. Kaus had taken to calling it Stormspeaker and his bracelet Stormrider, and she just went along with it good-naturedly. "There are many who are competitive. Some took issue with me for going, thinking it was improper for a girl to undergo the ritual." She shrugged. "We avoided conflict, though. My brother and I made quick friends with an Orkhan Avialae named Caden and the three of us set off together.

"We found two friends set upon by a Shinaegri... ah, twisted creatures that look like some mad necromancer took pieces of many different creatures and put them together... We helped them dispatch it and I tended as best I could to the wounds one of them had sustained, but he couldn't continue, so they retreated and we went on. Eventually, we found a pool electrified by storm gems, but my brother and I were able to protect ourselves with Caden's help and retrieve some.

"The two we met... Ceran and Indric... they went back down just this season and were successful in their Warren March. I think the setback made them smarter, stronger in the end. Now they are starting a mercenary troop." She smiled. They were starting the troop under the aegis of House Leukos, and it had taken both her and Kaus to galvanize the orphans to try again.

"But one of the chief threats to Kalzasi are the horrors of the Warrens, so young Avialae test themselves against what lies beneath. For some, they want to prove they are invincible on their own, I suppose. I think our way was better, though, to find people whose strengths and weaknesses complement our own so we can all succeed. Then there are more of us to defend Kalzasi from the Warrens."

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[Baudric]

B A U D R I C

It crept further into view with each passing word of her lips. The room was set upon with darkness, the ghosts of his brothers skulking in the edges of his peripheral view. His heart beating faster as stress set in. He swallowed his emotions trying to force himself to push it back lock it away. He felt so alone as guilt wrapped its tendrils around his neck. He brought a hand to his collar wrapping his fingers around it. His face looked like a feral animal being cornered, fearing for its life. A torrent of rage, horror, sadness and depression thrashed inside him. They crowded his mind until over taking the brim, tears falling down his face as the guilt for the blood stained on his hands.

Hunching over he let out a harrowing scream dissolving into a mess of broken emotions. How?! How has this been their charge in life when the Synnekar are left off with a paltry slap on the wrist for their coming of age? No they are weak! Their Bond is a crutch that creates their downfall. They are many but pathetic! They are weak!! His mind shuffled over the accounts of Synnekar he has met; Talon, Kala, even Aoren who was Kathar turned to the ways of Synnekar was equal to them. None of them were weak! Its a lie its all a lie!
"NO! No no no no no no... There is a reason! W-we are proud sons of the Imperium! Our duty and purpose is blessed by the Gods! We cull the weak so that we can stand strong! To protect the citizens, we are heroes!"

The grey world threatened by darkness began to grow dim and blurred.
"We suffer so the people do not! We were built to shoulder their pain! It is an honor to be their shield and their blade."

[Kala Leukos]

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Now she was certain something was wrong as his face changed and he clutched at his broken collar like he would strangle himself with it.

"Baudric—" But he cut her off with a scream, and then words were spilling out of him in a torrent.

She heard the rush of footsteps in the hall, and then there were people.

"Please," she said over her shoulder, "he's all right. Don't crowd him. You'll make it worse!"

Then she turned back to him, small hands with their warrior calluses held up so he could see them, empty of weapon.

"Baudric, it's all right. Please, focus on me. Focus on my voice." Telling a panicked man to calm down was never helpful, she had found. Her hand turned so that she was offering them. She didn't touch him, but offered him something to hold onto while he processed whatever trauma had come back to haunt him. There was a pang of guilt in her gut; had her attempt at kindness backfired, caused more harm than help?

Nurses and orderlies kept their backs to the wall, at least. She couldn't offer them any of her attention, though. If they attempted to pinion him, it would not go well for anyone.

"Baudric, it's me; it's Kala. You can take my hands if you need to. I'm here."

She knew they would only allow her a small respite to get through to him before they took matters into their own hands. Restraints might madden him further; sedation might help, but would likely make him more suspicious of his Kalzasern hosts than he was already.

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[Baudric]

B A U D R I C

He screamed, bellowed out for his world had gone quiet. Only the sound of carnage echoed deep in his mind. The darkness crowded into him. No longer able to see or recognize anything. Labored breathing heralded his desire for it all to stop to end. Set him free.

Then out of the darkness slowly growing into view a small rosy hue, faint and small. Stood before him. He stared at it through choked tears. Stared at Kala without seeing her. Something from it reached out to cup his cheek before dropping to lightly pull the tendrils away from his neck. Clearing it all away making breathing easier. It took his hands and brought them together and held them to their chest.

Baudric placed his hands into Kala's, the panic settling though his will still held prisoner by fear. His massive frame trembled as his heart and grief battled each other. His numb mind only stared at the rosy figure, his attention captivated by it.

His eyes glossed over, the light in them fading as his face turned emotionless. Slowly he dropped his head low till his forhead met with Kala's hands holding his. His wings along with the vestigial wings, spread wide crowded by the confines of his twenty foot wingspan. Looking big and imposing to banish the fears away, trying to trick them he was bigger, stronger. For all his physical size, he felt small and tired.

Darkness engulfed him and the rosy light before him. Animosity harassed him. His voice meek, hoarse, deep and sorrowful called out like a prayer.
"Forgive me brothers... I had no choice. Mein Licht, vertreibe die Dunkelheit, befreie meine Seele. Fliegen Sie in der Luft des Zufalls. Kala why did this have to happen? I'm a proud son of the Imperium. I have purpose. I am strong. It is an honor to give everything I am to the people."

[Kala Leukos]

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"Shh, Vöglein." She didn't know much Kathalan, but Mistress Feada had called her that when she was young. In that moment, the giant Kathar looks like a little bird to her. She leaned in and kissed the gray-black waves of hair at the crown of his head. She didn't let go of his hands, nor shy away from his face pressed to her hands.

"He'll be fine," she said to the people behind her, not looking, hoping they would just disperse, though she would understand if they left orderlies outside the door just in case after his outburst.

But Kala didn't need to understand everything he said to recognize a trauma reaction. This seemed deeper than a demonic attack, though she supposed a clever demon might have manipulated that deeper trauma to its purposes. She feared that this was evidence of the mistreatment of her Kathar cousins in the Imperium, but she wasn't a mind-healer. She hoped she hadn't triggered this with her well-meaning time spent with him, but she began to suspect something she had said or done had led to this, but in for a penny, in for a pound. There was no extricating herself without doing further damage, she supposed.

Still murmuring soft words to him, she hoped it would be enough. His wings had flared, and held, so if the movement caused pain, it wasn't enough to feel through the adrenaline rush. If he started bleeding again, though, he would soon have to undergo the indignity of someone touching his wings again.

At least it could be her. She asked permission and was as quick and respectful about it as she could be. The other staff of the Tranquil Gardens weren't bad people, but they had their feelings about members of the Imperium.

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[Baudric]

B A U D R I C

Further he slipped into soft, silent weeping. Two orderlies stood outside the door keeping and ear and eye out to come to Kala's aid should anything happen. Restrain Baudric if they have to. The sight was something strange for many to see. A goliath of an Imperium Knight reduced to tears in the hands of the tiny, in comparison, young lady. His face buried.

Overtime his wings began to relax, and thankfully no new seepage added to the bandage. It would seem his fortitude combined with Telion's magic and Kala's care, aided greatly to his recovery. Still one must walk first and ease into flying. Flight would be off the table for longer still. As his wings settled into a fully relaxed state so too did his body and tears.

In time he became aware that he was holding onto a pair of small hands. Pulling from them his eyes opened still in the greyscape of his mind. Harboring his emotions like precious things too delicate to be in the wide world of evil and pain. Thankfully the soft rosy glow remained before him. Still holding his hands.
"K...ala?"

Tenderly he let go of her hands and pulled them back to himself. Though he looked at her with a stoic face and eyes uncaring, numb, his words betrayed him. Sharing his embarrassment and shame.
"Sorry. I, well, that happened very abruptly. I hope you will forgive my outburst it was, hmm, uncharacteristic of me. You should not have seen that, me in that state, for that I must apologize. You needn't stay around if I have managed to frighten you."

"Boy I'm a mess. Wish I could have a proper bath." Pushing through the grey he gave her a weakened smile trying to make lighten of the fact. A light chuckle that he wanted to smack himself over. He took a deep breath before looking back to her. Wondering, how she was taking all this. Should he..

"Trial of Broken Wings. When Avialae are born it is only with permission of the Inquisition. And only out of need for breeding new soldiers. Upon birth we are taken from our mothers, never knowing who our fathers are. Raised in the Hall of Glory to be perfect weapons. Every aspect of our lives is watched over. Scrutinized and commanded. Mandates are our bedtime stories. Creed, our lullaby. As we grow we are taught that we live only to serve the will of the Sovereign. Friends, lovers, your Bond; are all weaknesses. Discouraged even punishable if we persist in comradery. It mattered little to me I watched over the smaller boys growing up. Kept them at a distance of course because I would be disciplined otherwise. Constantly told that I was hurting them and myself. I didn't understand."

He began worrying his hands against the fabric on his thighs. Looking away from her, Wondering if she would understand his tale. "When we are of age, we are presented for the Trial of Broken Wings. A number of young men, many were the boys I had protected through growing up, were shuffled into an arena. Officers of the Legionnaire in attendance, ordered us all to." he swallowed hard "Fight. To the death. I understood that day. I learned that day that bonds are a fate worse than death. For now I live with the guilt and blood of those boys on my hands. We fight that we may live. We fight to give ourselves to the Sovereign. We were always told that the Synnekar were weak. That they live for selfish reasons that corrupt them and make them less than what they were made to be. You, Talon.. Most likely your brother. None of you are weak, so why? I love my country and its people. I am proud to be the warrior I am that I can protect them from the evils we were created to fight. So why?"

[Kala Leukos]

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When he stumbled upon her name, she smiled. She didn't attempt to hold onto his hands when he let go, but let hers rest upon her knee.

"I'm here," she said softly. Of course, that was obvious, but she meant emotionally, holding space for him so to speak.

As Kala listened to him apologize, she shook her head. Apologies weren't necessary, and she almost jokingly offered to run Fire and Water over him and then dry him off with Air, but he began to recount the harrowing tale of his version of the Warren March—the barbaric Trial of Broken Wings. So many of her Kathar cousins were murdered by their brethren. It was sickening, but she couldn't hate Baudric for it. All he had done was survive, answered that call that was primal to all creatures—to survive at all costs. Even his inborn kindness was used to torture him, to strip away what was good in him.

She wanted to hate the people who had done this to him, to the others, but they were faceless ideas of people, no doubt strung up in the same chains of cruelty. From whence had it come? From whom? She wasn't wise enough to decide where the blame lay; perhaps Wraedan would decide in the end.

"I don't know, Baudric," she said honestly. "We are taught that the treatment of the Kathar Avialae is barbaric, and from your story, I cannot disagree. Others have come away from the Imperium and taken up our ways—Lord Aoren, for example. But we are also encouraged to think for ourselves, and so I can only encourage you to do the same. Examine what you have witnessed here, compare it to the ways you were raised, and decide for yourself the answer to your question."

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[Baudric]

B A U D R I C

She had no words of comfort for how could anyone have words to comfort that which was told. She was right though. He needed to decide if returning to the Imperium now with the knowledge, the doubt, was worth his pride and love for his home. The fact of the matter was he was here now. He had learned something which shook the core of his understanding and now stood at a crossroad. He never stopped to question it all until he was here. Merely accepted it for what it was. What changed to have made him actually question everything he knew?

He shook his head, thoughts for another day.
"I am holding you up. It's late and I am sure the rest of the staff would be far more at ease were I to sleep. I am tired. And I am sure you could use a break after the day you have had.. and me."
As he expected Kala had many kind and caring things to allay his worries. Wishing him a restful sleep as they said their farewells. He lay in his bed mentally preparing himself that tonight was likely the last time he would see the kind Avialae woman. If not by her choice then by someone else's. Certain that Dr. Faelith would also have opinions on further dealings with her patient.

As he suspected a nurse followed by three orderlies entered the room.
"Dr. Faelith ordered to sedate you for the night. To help you sleep. As well as putting some restraints in, as a precaution to yourself and others. We won't restrain you unless we have to. These gentlemen will be staying around in shifts for the remainder of your stay." He nodded his understanding and allowed the sedation to be administered. Very soon the colorless room faded from view leaving only the churning mists of his mindscape to surround him. Looking around him there was no rosy light. No soft white light of healing. No powerful pyre of energy. Except one thing. The stone monolith back in the Imperium stood there. Partially crumbed in this place. Then he let sleep take him. The promise that tomorrow would be a new day, with nightmares tucked away.

End.