Rock Me to Sleep [Sivan]

[Rivin]

Rivin could have communicated his desires to Geb directly, though the spirit would be under no obligation to do anything he asked. He did not say so, because Sivan would know this and by suggesting he be the one to instruct his own bonded spirit Rivin assumed it was the elf's wish to do so.

"Learning alchemy would be an interesting study, I would happily exchange my knowledge of chemistry for this, as well as sharing the fruits of our labors."" Ilex had considered alchemy non-viable for the purposes of The Experiment, but, Rivin realized, the human had never actually said he did not have the knowledge. The extremely insular nature of The Experiment and Rivin's life within it had led him to a belief that he understood all the variables of it and those who worked on it. Moving from that environment into the wider world had been a traumatic level of change on many levels, and he still became uncomfortable to the point of needing a small space to curl up in any time he opened his mind to the knowledge that not only did he not know all the variables of his current life, but that he never, ever would be able to know all of them. It was like having lived ones life in a small, shallow pool, in a garden, and then being plucked out and thrown into the ocean.

He kept 'swimming' dealt with what was immediately surrounding his life, and just tried to let what else was out there be out there without thinking about it too much. So far it was working, and if it ever stopped working, it likely wouldn't trouble him over long as he would be probably dead. This thought process was surprisingly comforting and had stopped his constant wondering how anyone lived in the world and remained sane.

He laughed a quiet thing that was almost a cough in his over-worked throat at the little imitation howl. He had not seen Sivan transform since the first time, but he had gone afterwards and read books on the subject of Animus. Subsequent transformation would not be nearly as traumatic to either mage or viewer so he was open to the idea.

"I could, perhaps, after your nose has hunted down all the herbs we need, find a stick for you to chase?" He was making a joke, not something he was known to do. He could not recall if he had ever said something intentionally humorous with Sivan before, but he felt pleasant.

At last the Lysanrin sat up slowly and stretched equally slowly; his body was sore and tired, as was his mind, but he was at least feeling fully attached to reality and the space around him. When he came out of his stretch he looked over to meet Sivan's eyes and slow blinked at him for a moment before leaning over and kissing him on the mouth. It was soft, brief, and dry, like a kiss on a cheek. It was gratitude, and appreciation of his friend.

"You are kind to me, and good, I thank you."

[Sivan]

The elf nodded along; his master had always said the teacher learned as much from the student as they taught the student, and he supposed that was true, though his master was wiser than him. Perhaps some of the lessons would arrive in his mind at a later date. Combining what they knew of alchemy and chemistry would mean learning something new and learning something new about something they already knew because of a new perspective. He smiled faintly with anticipatory pleasure, then managed a bit of a smirk.

"You jest, but I probably ought to practice more." He wanted to sit down with Torin's wolf pup and try to have a conversation, because Wolf told him that he could speak the language of the wolves now. He just didn't want Timon walking in on him and leveling a teenager's judgmental stare at him. "I suppose playing fetch would teach me how much a slave to instinct I will be when borrowing a form. I was thinking I might meditate in the woods soon and try to contact Bear before hibernation season begins... Bear is strong and smart, and I wonder if I would be able to hibernate when necessary."

His blue eyes went thoughtful for a moment, then focused once more on his guest, who was sitting up at last. He smiled.

"You are welcome, my friend." After letting that moment settle, he asked, "What sort of animal do you think I should seek out next? Oh! I hope you don't mind mushrooms... I have some growing in a corner of the lowest floor now. Some are edible, but I would advise against it unless you ken what's safe... I'm also working on cultivating some that glow. Light without heat... there's magic in that. Or science. Depending on your perspective."

Sivan's hand still rested on Rivin's knee, a quiet connection until Rivin was ready to emerge from the safety of his cellar.

[Rivin]

The idea of becoming an animal when one wished was appealing, as both a method of concealing oneself and a way to feel free. Receiving his first, and only, cardinal rune had been traumatic, and he was not yet ready to consider the possibility of a second, though if he did, Animus seemed the most likely. Perhaps, like much of the rest of his childhood, the trauma had been due more to the method than the action. It was something to study on. He knew that, somewhere in the set of medical journals he had stolen from Ilex there was information about himself. Rivin wanted this information, but had not been strong enough to seek it out yet. There would be things he did not wish to know, or, at least things the learning of which would cause pain and discomfort.

Glancing sideways at Sivan he thought for a moment and then said,

"Growing plants will not bother me, and I will not attempt to eat any. As for your next transformation, it seems a bear would be a useful addition. Wolves survive through cunning and speed, bears through strength and knowledge. With both, few creatures could challenge you." Another moment in which he observed Sivan, plainly trying to discern something, though what was less obvious.

"If we are to do work together it might be useful if you were to read some of the journals I took from Doctor Ilex. It would be more a favor, to me, if you read them. I was one of the subjects, so I worry that I might not be objective in my understanding, yes?"

Having someone who knew, at least from a scientific point of view, what his life had been felt like exposing himself in some way he could not put into words. Yet, having someone who could be objective about it would be useful enough that it was worth it. With Sivan, it was.

[Sivan]

Sivan laughed softly, a part of him wondering if he would ever learn to wear feathers and fly. He assumed everyone dreamed of flying from the time they were young, unless they were plagued by acrophobia.

"Plants, as well," he murmured. Between Geb and the spirits inhabiting his garden, the roots of the Living Grave and other low-reaching plants were dutifully forming part of the subterranean wall. A little bit of understanding went a long way and sometimes, when it was dry for too long, he would spray those exposed roots with water to refresh them. But he supposed some subterranean plants might enjoy a bit of symbiosis with the fungi; the ghost orchid, for example, had none of the green of most plants, which meant it didn't take energy from the sun—or so he understood.

As for the more personal offer, his face sobered and he looked curiously at his student, his friend.

Rivin's past sang of pain and subjugation and while he hadn't told Sivan much, he could intuit plenty—the emotions and the trauma if not the precise events.

"If you would trust me with such knowledge, I would endeavor to be a trustworthy steward of it." The elf offered a tremulous smile. Rivin was much like a wounded animal who needed coaxing, but patience had proven virtuous. Now he wanted a safe place to sleep under Sivan's care, continued tutelage, shared projects, and even secrets

"Your Doctor Ilex studies the world in a much different way from my own methods, but perhaps I can glean something helpful for you in his records. And hopefully shield you from... discomfort." Before he read, he would ask more questions as to what in particular Rivin hoped to learn, the better to direct his inquiry. Chances were it would be uncomfortable for him too, but it was a favor he was willing to do.

[Rivin]

At first Rivin had thought that Sivan was, if not simple, at least lacking in the sort of scientific mindset that allowed one to easily perform the story of study and experimentation through which Rivin had been raised. Over time he had come to see that this was not so. The elf was calm and careful, he took his time learning things, and people, and was not showy or boastful of his accomplishments, but he was intelligent.

As the lysanrin's only friend accepted his offered request he realized that the nature of The Experiment might not be something Sivan would want to know. While all knowledge seemed worthy to him, Rivin was slowly beginning to understand that there were some things, many things, that not everyone wanted to know. He squirmed a little fidget movement, tail, usually schooled to stillness, twitching.

"The Experiment the Doctor was performing, it went on for many years, longer than my life, and it was..." He struggled for a word to use, "Unkind?"

Frowning he made a dismissive gesture at his own words, they were not right.

"It was without emotion that Ilex did the work, which can be good for science but... bad for people?" That was a bit better, Sivan might be able to understand. "If you begin to read and find it unpleasant so that you wish to stop, please do so. I have thought to hire a scientist of your city to help me work through the journals but... who to trust? No one. Now there is you, but I would not do you harm, even to discover the truth of my existence."

Therein lay the reason he had kept the research. He had stolen it from a sense of revenge, and a little out of hope that if he were recaptured he might bargain with his knowledge of where he had hidden the volumes. The realization had come to him slowly, as he had begin to tentatively have thoughts for his life outside base survival and remaining free. It had been shocking, when the thought had finally lay, open and bare in his mind. He had lived inside The Experiment since before his birth, had assisted in collection, cataloging and research once he was deemed worthy, but he had no idea what the goal was. What was the question at the heart of the science that required so much effort to answer? He'd never been told, never thought to ask.

It had been so big, so literally all encompassing that he hadn't considered what the purpose had been. Now that he was outside it, he had the benefit of seeing it more fully, and in doing that, realized he did not know why he'd been born. He'd been dazed for several days after the recognition of this lack of knowledge and now he knew he had to read the journals, he had to know.

[Sivan]

Sivan listened, and he nodded gravely.

"The acquisition of knowlege is a long and arduous path," he allowed. "If one hasn't a care for the suffering of others, there are shortcuts that are... unkind."

The elf considered for a few moments.

"If he was experimenting on people against their will... I am certain it will be unpleasant, but... I will read it. I will help you find out what you want to know."

Rivin called it the truth of his existence, so Sivan posited he wanted to know the why of it all. It seemed strange that he would have helped in the collection of data without knowing where it was going, though Sivan knew that sometimes focusing too much on the hoped for outcome could color one's perceptions, alter the results. From what he gathered, Ilex was a cold, merciless scalpel, and he had certainly left his marks upon Rivin. There was a coldness to him, and a mercilessness, but those seemed to be learned traits, not intrinsic to him. There were flickers of warmth in him, and kindness. Perhaps he only needed to be shown them so he could practice them.

"If we discover unpleasant things," he said, putting his hand reassuringly on Rivin's, "it will not change how I think or feel about you. Whatever he may have done to you, you are my friend and I care about you. I want you to know that."

Blue eyes were earnest, and Rivin was reaping the benefit of Sivan's friendships with Destyn and Torin, Urs and others. Had they met years ago, they might have been too alike. His own youth had been isolated, some of it self-imposed. But if he was becoming better with people, it was because people had invested in him as a person. He could only do the same for others.

[Rivin]

Sivan had, to that point, been unfailingly gracious and kind without being condescending or prejudiced, even in his teaching. Rivin was beginning to rely on it, though he left room for their to be bad days or things which set the elf off. It was fair to expect those things, as he himself knew he had many triggers and seemed to be finding new ones regularly. Perhaps he was developing new ones? A thought to consider later.

Looking down he realized that his tail had wrapped itself around Sivan' ankle, just one, like a cat might curl it's tail around something it likes. The idea that a part of him which he was, most of the time, not consciously controlling might show how he was feeling was...

Shameful? No. Embarrassing? Perhaps. He was still growing used to the difference as anything that had been on in his previous life had been the other as well. It was a type of vulnerability that, under those previous circumstances might have been dangerous. He would have to keep a part of his mind set aside to take note of what the extra appendage did when they were in public together. Having it wrap around or caress at Sivan when others might see would be both awkward and, should anyone desire to harm Rivin, could put Sivan in danger by proxy.

The hold wasn't restricting, just a loose wrap, so, for the moment, he just let it be.

"I thank you, for your aid in this. I will bring the journals here, and keep them hidden. Your home has many safeguards. You can read them as you will, they are labeled chronologically. We can set times to discuss them, in case any of it in contextual and I do not realize it due to having been raised inside that context."

He paused and pondered this study, while another part of his mind thought about how much he wanted to press against Sivan's side and fall asleep. It was morning, and Sivan had things to be doing such that he could not, and surely would not want to, spend hours sitting around while Rivin slept. Perhaps he could ask for an old shirt or similar and stuff it so he could use it as a substitute?

This plan seemed viable until his tired mind connected it to the idea of very young children and their need for dolls to hold in their sleep.

"I... Will not be of much use today, I think. Trying to function when my time asleep exhausted rather than restoring would render any attempt to perform useful tasks only frustrating. I will stay here, if that is acceptable. I have slept often in small spaces with only a blanket, I will be well. You should be able to get on with your day without any obstruction from me now."

[Sivan]

Sivan considered.

"I would offer you my bed, but I suppose if you are more comfortable down here, I will just stay with you until you fall asleep."

Of course, he had noticed the tail clinging to him, and he could only surmise that some part of Rivin wanted him to stay, like a child afraid of the dark or a wild creature who couldn't relax without a member of its pack standing guard. The elf began to hum an ambling lullaby. Perhaps he would meditate until he could extricate himself without waking his student.

"I will keep you safe while you sleep," he murmured, "and I will keep your journals safe here, as well. Rest now."

[Rune]

R E V I E W

Lore: 14 each

Points: 10 each, may be used for magic by Sivan

Injuries/Ailments:
On going, trauma induced nightmares for Rivin

Loot: None

Notes: Hush little Lysanrin