Even Exchange (Part 1, Finn)

[Raithen]

For a moment, as the land faded gently into deep water, fear rose in Raithen, but then it faded. His wings weighed as nothing, and besides, Finn wouldn't let him drown, Finn was there to keep him safe and while they were together he was safe. So he relaxed his slim body and let himself float as he never would have in...

But the thought floated away too, it didn't matter, he was there now, where he wanted to be. The look on Finn's face made him want to laugh but also raised the hair on the back of his neck in an excited almost fear that he had learned to love when wrestling and playing with his peers, it was all the intensity of a fight or flight response without any of the negative emotions. Gasping what was part laughter as he was pulled under the water by the stronger body he let them tumble together, bodies rubbing and pressing in any number of ways he didn't have words for but also didn't want any because it felt good. Then they were face to face again, and the water was clear, it didn't sting his eyes, there wasn't even any pressure to breathe. Finn's eyes were big and so blue, only inches from his own, and then they were even closer.

Thoughtlessly he threw his arms back around Finn's neck and when their mouths touched it felt as natural as breathing. Raithen knew he could just kick his feet and get back to the surface when he felt like he needed to, but at the moment he wanted to stay. He couldn't remember if they'd been wearing anything a moment before but of course they were naked while swimming. Who wore clothes to swim?

Their mouths connected, warm and slippery, then so did other things and it felt good but also a little overwhelming so, after a moment Raithen nudged softly upwards with his face against Finn's and they both began kicking upwards. When they broke the surface the shore was right there beside them. That this made no sense with the depth of the water did not even cross Raithen's mind as the two dripping boys climbed out and flopped onto their backs on the fine, warm sand. The wind was still blowing but the sun had come out and he could hear the voices of other young people somewhere near by, playing and talking, so he just closed his eyes and felt around with his hand until he found his friend's to lace his fingers into.

"Thank you for coming to find me." He said without moving, "The water is scary alone."

It was perhaps not something most boys his age, well into puberty, would admit, but Raithen had never been one to feel shame from honesty.

[Finn]

On cool, wet skin, the summer sun felt like a caress rather than a hammer. It was too bright to see his friend, golden as the sun above, but he squinted at him, shading his eyes with his other hand. He smiled, tremulous and tender, then grinning goofily. And then, after a moment, he was solemn as anything.

"Everything is scary alone sometimes," he said with the barefaced wisdom of youth.

Finn's fingers curled into Raithen's and he rolled toward him in the sand.

"I promised your mother I would look after you, but even if I hadn't... I would." He bit his lower lip. He leaned down and kissed him, this time more gently, though no less passionate. It was channeled now, intense. He was flying. They were flying.

His heart was racing, but he knew Raithen wouldn't let him fall. He just wanted Finn to know what it felt like to fly. Little did he know, his presence was quite enough for this level of exhilaration. They were swimming in air and he could only trust to his friend's wings.

"Raithen..." He couldn't focus on the blue all around them. The white of clouds. The gold of the sand. Everything was awhirl, chaotic, impossible to grasp, but he could hold onto the Avialæ. He could focus on the gray-gone-blue of his irises, the whites of his eyes, and the gold of his skin. He clung to him as if his life depended on it.

"I have to take you home," he whispered, somehow still audible over the rush of wind. In Raithen's presence, he could hear every individual sound—nothing cancelled anything out. Everything was complete, separate, connected, all at the same time. It was wonderful. Raithen was wonderful. This was wonderful, but it had to end. Dreams could turn to nightmares so easily, and he could feel the horizon darken along with his thoughts. He cleared his mind. He tried to.

"I followed you here like I said I would, but I promised to take you home. All good things... All good things must come to an end." His regret was palapble as his arousal had been. Finn didn't want to go either, but they had ties that bound, responsibilities, and the like.

[Raithen]

Finn was smart, smarter than Raithen for sure, so he nodded back gravely at the truth he was being told. Then they were kissing again and it felt even more right, less playful, deeper in some way. There was joy in it too, wide and endless like the sky, like flying. And then they were flying.

It was the Avialae's turn to protect his friend, wings spreading confidently to hold them both aloft. Their arms were around each other, secure as Raithen spun around slowly, trying to show off the whole of a place that so few people in his life ever knew. Pressing up through a cloud softened the intensity of the bright Searing sun, (was it Searing?), cooling their skin and shading their eyes for a long moment. Then they were back out in the moving, spinning chaos that was flight. Raithen loved it, hoped Finn would love it, and maybe love Raithen too.

When Finn spoke he held them still in the air, as he never could have outside of this perfect place they had found together, or had they made it together? A frown creased his unlined brow when he heard the words though and he was shaking his head, the frown lines turning into a stubborn expression.

"No," It wasn't a while, but it was close, "I want to stay. With you." Leaning in again he nudged their mouths together, his own forming into a little pout as they touched. The reminder of the promise felt real, more real than a lot of what else was around them and he wouldn't deny it but instead said,

"Alright, but in a little while? Please?"

The pout turned into a roguish smile as they were suddenly on solid ground, back in the waving grasses of the plain where they'd found each other. Turning he tossed a challenge over his shoulder,

"Catch me!" Then he was off running, legs stretching through the cool, soft meadow, bare feet pounding against the springy ground.

[Finn]

"Raithen!" he called, dizzy from the flying, dizzy from his mouth. Finn gave chase, however. The only problem was, he was built for strength and the Avialæ was more fleet of foot. But his bare feet pounded dirt, dodging between thicker thatches of wild grasses. It was easy to get lost here where the grasses grew high. They grew high. They grew higher. It was a forest of grasses growing ever higher toward the sun, toward the watchful eye of Aværys. They were both of them favored of Aværys, and while he wanted his chosen to prove themselves more than he wanted to coddle and protect, Finn felt the urge to protect Raithen, as well.

"Raithen!"

But his friend's laughter was only a memory. There was only the laughter of the eldritch children. Was it sinister or just mischievous?

Well, Raithen had wings, but Finn Farstrider had magic! He looked up and vaulted himself far up into the blue beyond the reach of the grasses, then looked down. There was movement in several places, and even as he began to fall, he vaulted—again and again. When he was certain he knew which sway of the grasses belonged to his friend, he vaulted into his path. He had only a few moments before the Avialæ was bowling him over, but his strong arms caught about a narrow waist and he didn't even mind his back hitting the grass, the air going out of him as his body cushioned the weight of his friend.

Finn coughed.

Eventually, Finn managed to gasp, "I will always find you. I will always bring you home again."

It didn't occur to him to wonder why they were still naked, only to wonder why they weren't always like this. They complemented each other. Their relationship was simple.

[Raithen]

Laughing from the joy of it Raithen ran, and ran, until the meadow turned into a forest of strange trees, but he was not afraid. Finn would find him.

The thought, combined with the thrill of the chase made the pleasant shivery feeling come back. He wanted to be chased down, he wanted to be caught. For some reason this did not seem to mean he slowed down, despite the fact that his legs were longer and even if they had not been, he was made for speed, air or land. Finn would find him.

Biting his lip in anticipation and a desire that he wasn't fully comprehending but enjoying no less he tucked his head and flew through the odd trees and grasses that were often over his head. Eventually he thought to look back and did not see Finn, or anyone else. Perhaps his clever friend and found some way to get ahead of him and was waiting, yes, that must be. Rushing onward he turned back just in time to see that he had been right, but not on time to be able to stop.

Grateful for his lighter-than-human body he still did his best to pull up as they collided and fell, Raithen landing on top. He was worried for a moment but then Finn drew in his breath and promised him again. Putting his head down on his friend's heaving chest they lay still, catching their breaths for a few minutes before Raithen said,

"I'll always find you too." It felt weaker somehow, as though his protection was not as strong as Finn's was, but he still meant it with whatever he had to give.

"You gave this to me." He didn't know what the words meant as he said them, still didn't know when he felt an aether bright tugging between his wings. It felt like something was trying to pull him, but in no direction he could understand from where he was. Finally he pushed up and off till he could stand and offer Finn his hand up.

"Alright," He said, sounding a little abashed and more than a little sad, "We can go, if you want. I don't want you to get into trouble."

[Finn]

A little groan escaped him when Raithen rose, and he flushed at how forlorn it sounded. But this forest wasn't Solunarium, nor was it Karnor. But, in the end, that didn't matter. They were together and nobody could stop them. When he realized that, it seemed as though the sun fought more valiantly to reach them through the trees, dappling them with light. There were butterflies and motes of dust. The birds sang.

Finn sang:

"Lover, when I sing my song
All the birds will sing along
And they'll come flying from all around
To lay their feathers on the ground
And we'll lie down in eiderdown
A pillow 'neath our heads
The birds will make the wedding bed."

Of course, he wasn't going to marry Raithen. He flushed. That was silly, even if they fit like hand in glove, never fought but to whet each other like blades, but the Avialæ never minded when he sang. It wasn't as though he was trying to sing about them after all!

Hand in hand, they began to walk toward home. Cithæra wouldn't be mad. They would live to adventure another day. This wasn't ending; it was just part of the ebb and flow of things. All great symphonies went through different movements.

"You're beautiful, you know," he said, apropos of everything. Finn smiled. He might be silver-tongued when he sang, but often when he spoke, he was just honest. He meant his friend's face and form, of course, but also his soul, unaffected and loyal, playful and affectionate, and any number of other good adjectives that just weren't coming to mind, but were mixed up in the soup of his feelings.

They weren't getting married, but perhaps Raithen wouldn't mind kissing him from time to time.

And then they came upon a door in the middle of a glade. A door shouldn't be there, but it was.

"Terminus," he said, reading what was written over the arch of it. This was the end. They would go home. This would cease to be.

[Raithen]

When Finn sang, the world sang too, it didn't matter if it was where they were now, or at home; the sun came out, the birds rose to be his chorus, even the trees swayed move to the rhythm. Raithen just listened, too in awe to do anything but blush at the lyrics and follow along when his bard began to walk.

He was still a little lost in the dappled sunshine perfection of the path that seemed to open before their feet and the memory of the song filling him up when Finn spoke again. Startled a little the compliment took him fully open and he stopped, flushing and staring and wanting. The words, the boy, the day they were sharing, all of it. With all the conviction of youth he countered,

"You, are beautiful. I always thought you were, even when we first met." The image of Finn at that first meeting wouldn't come to him now but he knew it was true. Without shame he continued,

"I wanted you, to be near you, you're so..." He shook his head, tried to finished with a gesture but just ended up sort of flopping their twinned hands about till he felt silly.

When they reached the door Raithen sighed to himself but, still smiling, he let go of Finn's hand so he could wrap both his own hands around his friend's face. They were exactly the same height here, so their eyes lined up perfectly, along with every other part of their anatomy.

"Promise me, that you won't forget this, when we go." It wasn't a question, more insistent than that, though the tone was neither demanding nor wheedling, just solemn. In the back of his head he knew that somehow they were likely to forget if they didn't make the effort not to and what had passed between them felt too important to ever lose. He waited as he was, not looking away, not stepping away, feeling the world slow and still around them as his focus narrowed to Finn.

[Finn]

"As long as you don't," he replied with a coy smile, managing for once to be glib, if not full of guile. But the coyness disappeared as Raithen took him by the face and kissed him once more. It was strange how the more kisses he got, the more he wanted. The moment seemed to go on forever, and yet it was not enough. It was never enough.

Finn sighed when it was over, but he smiled at Raithen, took his hand, and opened the door. They walked through together.

His eyes opened and he was leaning forward between Raithen's wings, the Avialæ leaning back against him. Their heads rested on each other's shoulders. The bard remembered everything, and suddenly he felt quite warm. But he could understand the Aetherium pulling out honest desires that they put down for decorum or for other people. Finn remembered. He would always remember. It was flattering, though he didn't think he could act on it. Swords of steel were the only ones they could safely cross.

But against his heart, he felt the pulse of the Rune he had inscribed. It was active. Raithen was safe in his body once more, a novice in a new magical discipline.

They nuzzled at each other as if they were waking up in the same bed, nothing quite crossing a line.

"Promise me you won't use it until I show you how," he murmured into that elegant elven ear.

Even if harm came to Raithen, he didn't think Cithæra would take revenge upon him. He supposed she did love her winged son, but even her children were pieces to be moved on the chessboard of Solunarian politics. He couldn't even judge her for it, having more of an idea how her amatus, Zalkyriax, saw the world. But he didn't want to disappoint her as that would make life more difficult for Arvælyn, and he didn't want harm to come to Raithen because...

Well, they would be brothers-in-law, brothers-in-arms, and that was a blessing.

[Raithen]

"Never." Raithen agreed.

Then he let Finn take him by the hand again and allowed himself to be led out of their paradise through the door.

There was light and then he was sure that he was falling as his mind tried to reorient itself into his body. His adult body.

What?

Nothing made sense for a long moment as the pieces of himself that had been separated came back together. It might have frightened him but he could feel Finn still there with him.

Safe.

It was a feeling more than a thought but it was true either way. They stayed close while he reoriented and anchored himself in reality, faces rubbing soft against each other felt good and right, even if there was more stubble on these than had been in the Aetherium. At last he tried to move more parts of his body and groaned as legs long fallen into sleep protested being used. Turning eyes filled with pain and confusion toward Finn, and then towards the sky he realized that they had been gone for many hours.

He hoped it was hours and that they had not been kneeling out on the training sand for days. Time was different in the Aetherium. Finn wouldn't have left him until they were back safe, but neither of them would know truly how much time had passed until they asked someone.

"Oh." He said, quietly, trying not to make it a groan as he finally pulled his legs out from under him and stretched them out flat. Turning he did his best to help Finn untangle himself and then lay back beside the human, letting the pain slowly wane as he willed his body to relax.

Belatedly he nodded to the request,

"I won't. Even if the idea of moving to my bed without having to stand up sounds really good right now." His smile was back, teasing, asking Finn to smile at his joke with him. They did not speak of what had passed between them during the initiation, but Raithen did reach out and slip his fingers into Finn's again loosely, demanding nothing.

When the worst of the cramping had passed and his stomach was informing him in no uncertain terms that he hadn't eaten since the night before (not having thought it wise to take a new Rune on a full stomach) he slowly rolled to his knees, and then his feet. They tingled, as did his whole lower body, but he could stand, and that was enough. Reaching a hand down in offer of assistance to the bard he kept hold of his arm until he was sure Finn could stand, and then still did not let go. Meeting blue eyes with grey he said,

"Thank you, amicissime." He had never used the term before, had never felt it before. It meant 'dearest friend' but held other meanings, implied ties of affection and commitment that did not translate well. Not knowing if Finn knew the word, and not knowing if he would be able to explain it he flushed and let his hand slide down where it had grasped Finn's arm till it barely rested in his hand.

"You'll stay and eat with me? And after, I think we're both due a massage." It was a joke, but also not at all a joke, they both needed their muscles worked else they would be miserable in the morning. When they had reached the closest entrance to the palace Raithen stopped in the shadows of the marble doorway and pulled them a little closer, saying,

"You could stay after too, if it wouldn't upset anyone." He knew that there was a distinct possibility that it would but he couldn't keep the needfulness out of his voice, though there was nothing of sex in it. He did not understand why some people grew possessive of their lovers, but he knew that some did and that his newest brother was one such.

[Finn]

Finn laughed at the joke, laid out beside Raithen now, fingers entwined as they had been in the Aetherium.

"Be careful with that," he warned. "I once tried the same and landed on Arvælyn. He was not pleased." He laughed again, remembering the fright he had given his lover.

Eventually, Raithen stood, and then Finn was up as well. He was ever so slightly taller than the Avialæ, which was strange. They were usually giants, but Raithen was normally sized. His grasp of Vastian was nigh fluent now, and he flushed.

"Amicissime." He accepted and returned it by repeating it. "I will."

Supper would suit them both after so long without food. Even with their souls abroad, the body required fuel for its fires. A massage would be well received, indeed. Finn too was still sore from the long time spent kneeling. The following question was pregnant, though, and it took Finn a moment to consider. But Raithen knew Finn's boundaries, even if they were drawn by Arvælyn and merely respected out of love. He nodded.

"I will stay a while after," he promised. A while could be poetic for the entire night. Finn just wasn't certain yet. Arvælyn was oft taken with meetings until unholy hours, and Finn ventured often into the cabarets to ply his trade. It was only then he remembered writing music in the Aetherium, and he flushed deeper, glad it was dark. If Raithen passed out, which wouldn't be surprising given the Rune taking root in his soul as much as the ink-stained skin would be marked when the ink was washed off, Finn would vault home. But Arvælyn knew first-hand how difficult initiation could be, so he didn't think there would be a problem.

"If you need me."

fin.