Searing 122 70th
Ivar was standing at the corner of a noisy street leaning against a wall. Buildings surrounded him, their walls shielded him from direct sunlight. Even though he had tried to pick a secluded area people seemed to be around him, their voices mixing with the sounds of daily life. The clatter of horse hooves, the hum of conversation, it all seemed so distant.
His target was the end of the block. He could see it, so near, yet unreachable in a sense. He felt a tingling sensation in his palms. It was a sign of anticipation. The goal of his experiment was to push the limits of his vaulting capabilities. Teleporting without the need to see the destination.
In his mind, the theory was clear based on what his schooling had taught him. He had learned how to do it in school but there was a difference between performing in a classroom and doing it out in the city. Each conceivable spot was connected through the slipspace. He need only navigate the slip space to get to where he wanted to go. It was difficult because it was hard to go to some place he could not see.
Closing his eyes, he reached out mentally. The slipspace was a complex maze. He tried to focus on the end of the block. He tried to find the path connecting him to it. It was like trying to hold water, slippery and elusive.
Opening his eyes, he was back in the physical world. It hadn't worked. A sigh escaped his lips. It would be child’s play for him to get to the end of the block with a short series of blinks. He was trying not to look at his destination though. He'd known it would be tough, but experiencing it was a whole different story.
He slumped a little against the stone wall, he could feel the cold seeping through his clothing. He looked at the block again. Physically, it was right there. In terms of the slip space, it was like a different world. He had to try again.
"Alright. Round two."
Pushing off from the wall, he stood straight. Breathing in deeply, he calmed himself then focused once again. He had all afternoon to get this right. This block was a challenge, a stepping stone. And he was ready to take the leap.
"Focus Ivar. Focus."
Closing his eyes, he reached out again. This time, with more determination. The slip space unfolded in his mind. Complex and ever-changing, it was a labyrinth of paths. He just needed to find one. The right one. One path felt familiar. His hand outstretched, he could almost touch it. Was this the path? The connecting point between him and his destination?
"Only one way to find out."
Opening his eyes, he was back on the street. The chatter of people, the clatter of carts, it was all still there. Yet, for a moment, he'd been somewhere else. He'd visualized his path. Now, he just needed to navigate it. He was ready for the challenge.
"Here we go... almost there…"
After his first attempt, Ivar was filled with a rush of energy. The thrill of almost navigating the path was addictive. He knew he was on the right path, even if it was tricky. He needed to stay focused. There was a tug, a pull from a path. This was it. His path. The one that would take him to the end of the block. His heart pounded in his chest, a loud drum in the silence of the Slipspace.
"Gotcha."
In his mind's eye, he could see it. The other end of the path. It shimmered in the distance. His destination. His goal. But, was he ready? Opening his eyes, he was back in the busy street. The sounds of the city filled his ears. He looked around. It took him a moment to realize where he was. He was at the end of the block but he was on the wrong side of the street and he was directly facing the wall. All things considered it could have gone a lot worse.
Nothing like a good vault
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Ivar
- Posts: 161
- Joined: Sat May 13, 2023 6:50 pm
- Character Sheet: viewtopic.php?p=24709#p24709
- Character Secrets: viewtopic.php?t=4433
word count: 700
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Ivar
- Posts: 161
- Joined: Sat May 13, 2023 6:50 pm
- Character Sheet: viewtopic.php?p=24709#p24709
- Character Secrets: viewtopic.php?t=4433
It was a good warm up. He vaulted back to his original location, this time getting it completely right. He thought about where else he could go. The simplest choice was back to his parents house. At least there he could think. He did not know what he was thinking coming here in the busy street where an unexpected teleport could get himself or others injured.
He thought about the home. He knew his parents were gone, off on a trip to visit a family member for the whole week if he remembered correctly. He pictured the guest room, the room that used to be his before he moved out. It was surprisingly easy to navigate the slipspace to the house. Being familiar with a location always made it easier.
“Now!”
Ivar smiled. He’d made it. Despite the home being many blocks away he’d actually done it… hadn’t he? He looked left and right. There was a bed, there was the wall, the door, the smell… but he’d gotten the wrong room. It was his parent’s room, not his.
“Fucking… It must have been the noise. Must have thrown me off. It’s always harder with distractions.”
His heart rate elevated. He was very nervous because he could have very well ended up in the wrong house entirely and that would have been a big headache. He sat down to calm himself while thinking about where he would go next. The day was not over yet. His partial success, though thrilling, only fueled his ambition. One more vault. He could feel the call of the slipspace beckoning him again. The addictive pull hard to resist.
"This one’s going to be great."
With a renewed resolve, he dove back into the slipspace, determined to make the next vault. To conquer the next spot he was thinking of. It was going to be though since it was over half way across the city. It was a friend’s house. He was picturing their backyard. He pictures the route he would take to get there outside of the slip space then tried to navigate through the slip space itself.
It was time consuming. So time consuming that he had to take breaks and even munch on a snack. Finding the path became easier over his repeated attempts and when he finally thought he found it, he went for it. He held his breath and then… blip. He was gone.
“Whoa!”
Ivar felt a rush of wind and a saw a blur of motion. He didn’t know where the hell he was but it was clear that he was in the air. He tried to think quick and grab onto something, anything but there was nothing to hold onto. He was unprepared to end up in the air though and he had a feeling that he had not even arrived in the upright position. The simplest thing to do would be to blink to another destination that he could see.
That was easier said than done. While he had experience blinking quickly he could not simply blink instantly. It took him a moment to focus on a spot on a roof and then with a silent prayer he blinked towards it. He missed his target just barely, but flailing and falling one foot was much better than falling from the sky. He landed onto his hands and knees, spraining a wrist because he couldn’t adjust himself enough to avoid injury. He started to slide off the roof then blinked once more to the ground.
Ivar took a moment to wallow in his failure, wincing right next to his friend’s front door. He had done it, kind of. He honestly viewed this as a good thing because he had never vaulted this far before. Sure it had its complications but… it could have been a lot worse
"Is that you Ivar?”
Ivar looked to see his friend opening the door.
“Yes. I tried to travel here with magic and had a little mishap. I didn’t mean to bother you. I only chose this place because it was familiar to me.”
His friend looked him over. He helped him up and pulled him inside. He started going on about his work and his girlfriend and brought over some food. Ivar didn’t want to stay. He wanted to go out and get his wrist looked at. For all he knew he’d broken it. He was too polite to just leave so he stayed and chatted.
“Oh school? Yeah it’s going okay. It’s just as hard as I expected it to be…”
On and on the conversation went. His gaze wandered to the buildings and sights around him outside of the window. He was miles away from where he started. A sense of wanderlust filled him, excitement bubbling up at the thought of all the new places he could explore using his newfound limitations. But for now, he needed to rest. He needed to replenish his energy and more importantly get his wrist checked out.
He thought about the home. He knew his parents were gone, off on a trip to visit a family member for the whole week if he remembered correctly. He pictured the guest room, the room that used to be his before he moved out. It was surprisingly easy to navigate the slipspace to the house. Being familiar with a location always made it easier.
“Now!”
Ivar smiled. He’d made it. Despite the home being many blocks away he’d actually done it… hadn’t he? He looked left and right. There was a bed, there was the wall, the door, the smell… but he’d gotten the wrong room. It was his parent’s room, not his.
“Fucking… It must have been the noise. Must have thrown me off. It’s always harder with distractions.”
His heart rate elevated. He was very nervous because he could have very well ended up in the wrong house entirely and that would have been a big headache. He sat down to calm himself while thinking about where he would go next. The day was not over yet. His partial success, though thrilling, only fueled his ambition. One more vault. He could feel the call of the slipspace beckoning him again. The addictive pull hard to resist.
"This one’s going to be great."
With a renewed resolve, he dove back into the slipspace, determined to make the next vault. To conquer the next spot he was thinking of. It was going to be though since it was over half way across the city. It was a friend’s house. He was picturing their backyard. He pictures the route he would take to get there outside of the slip space then tried to navigate through the slip space itself.
It was time consuming. So time consuming that he had to take breaks and even munch on a snack. Finding the path became easier over his repeated attempts and when he finally thought he found it, he went for it. He held his breath and then… blip. He was gone.
“Whoa!”
Ivar felt a rush of wind and a saw a blur of motion. He didn’t know where the hell he was but it was clear that he was in the air. He tried to think quick and grab onto something, anything but there was nothing to hold onto. He was unprepared to end up in the air though and he had a feeling that he had not even arrived in the upright position. The simplest thing to do would be to blink to another destination that he could see.
That was easier said than done. While he had experience blinking quickly he could not simply blink instantly. It took him a moment to focus on a spot on a roof and then with a silent prayer he blinked towards it. He missed his target just barely, but flailing and falling one foot was much better than falling from the sky. He landed onto his hands and knees, spraining a wrist because he couldn’t adjust himself enough to avoid injury. He started to slide off the roof then blinked once more to the ground.
Ivar took a moment to wallow in his failure, wincing right next to his friend’s front door. He had done it, kind of. He honestly viewed this as a good thing because he had never vaulted this far before. Sure it had its complications but… it could have been a lot worse
"Is that you Ivar?”
Ivar looked to see his friend opening the door.
“Yes. I tried to travel here with magic and had a little mishap. I didn’t mean to bother you. I only chose this place because it was familiar to me.”
His friend looked him over. He helped him up and pulled him inside. He started going on about his work and his girlfriend and brought over some food. Ivar didn’t want to stay. He wanted to go out and get his wrist looked at. For all he knew he’d broken it. He was too polite to just leave so he stayed and chatted.
“Oh school? Yeah it’s going okay. It’s just as hard as I expected it to be…”
On and on the conversation went. His gaze wandered to the buildings and sights around him outside of the window. He was miles away from where he started. A sense of wanderlust filled him, excitement bubbling up at the thought of all the new places he could explore using his newfound limitations. But for now, he needed to rest. He needed to replenish his energy and more importantly get his wrist checked out.
word count: 851
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Memento
- Posts: 19
- Joined: Thu Jun 22, 2023 10:27 am
- Location: Kentucky, USA
- Plot Notes: viewtopic.php?p=25929#p25929
XP: 8xp, solo, can be used for magic
Lores: 6
Loot: Grade 1 sprained wrist, that takes 2 weeks to heal. Any threads within that time frame following this thread will need to be edited to reflect this injury.
Final Thoughts: I find it funny how Ivar was too polite to leave when he was physically injured from his magic, or even mention it to a friend, but not too polite as to be opposed to spying on a Flora in her own home, after she clearly had been struggling. He’s got a strange moral code!
I enjoy Ivar’s attempts to discover and learn new magical techniques, but it’s beginning to feel like a similar pattern in each of these "lessons" - Wants to do something ambitious, fails, focuses a bit more, succeeds (with varying degrees of success). Sometimes, I would imagine people failing multiple times, or it taking more than a single day, but maybe I’m noticing this because I’ve graded your threads in decently quick succession now. It’s just something to keep in mind.
I feel you could breath some more life into the world. Ivar has been a bit “contained” to your OOC purpose of the story. The intention of the thread might be to blink and traverse somewhere you cannot physically see, but I would like to see the world react to him more. He’s in the city, even a magic tolerant one, practicing openly. Do people stop to watch? What would happen if he did end up in a stranger’s home?
In this thread, and his others, he has very brief, almost passing interactions with others, and then there’s sort of a less risque ‘fade to black’. Even if they're not personal NPCs, you can still flesh them out for this interaction. Clearly he chats and eats with his friend, but who are they? What do they look like? Do they notice he’s injured, and pretend not to? Are they simply oblivious? How is Ivar hiding the fact his wrist might be broken, and/or why does this person not seem to notice or be phased by his arrival? What is their name?
If something does not add to the story, then it can, and in my opinion, should be cut out. However, if by including this detail, you want to show the reader just how embarrassed Ivar is by his magic’s result, or his devotion to manners, then show that. Otherwise, the interaction has no purpose other than convenience for word count. This isn't a site rule, or anything so strict, just my suggestion.
Make these moments clear to the audience, and the story will do more than just advance your PC in magic. It will make them stick in the reader’s mind long after the thread is over.
word count: 481