The thing was, Raithen never knew what he did wrong with Phocion anymore than he ever knew what he did right. Sometimes his words clearly (to him) annoyed his older brother, sometimes they seemed to amuse him, but never at the times Raithen intended. The perplexing nature of the relationship was probably the reason he still reached, why it tugged at him significantly even well into his adulthood.
The smile helped, as they were rare, paradoxically more so in private than in public, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. When his brother drank, so did he, a moment after. It felt like how he'd mimicked his brother as a child but it wasn't. The truth was he was using it to pull his eyes away from the sharp tongue running along the wet mouth.
The fact was; Phocion was beautiful. Their mother was beautiful, of course, and their sister, and basically everyone in the Divine Linage. But Phocion was somehow more, even as he was less. He was the least showy of anyone in their extended family that Raithen knew even moderately well, he was dark of coloring and slight of frame and yet...
Raithen knew, though he never let himself stop to think about it, that he was probably obsessed with his brother because everyone else in his life that had been around for most of it treated him like the golden boy he literally was. Their older sister did not count as he had hardly known her as a child, still hardly knew her. Phocion had treated him as an annoyance almost all the time with little glimmers of what could hardly even be called affection, to keep Raithen on hooks looking for more.
It wasn't that he was in love with his brother, he'd never been in love with anyone, so far as he knew. He'd never pursued or considered pursuing Phocion as lover, something he had done, more or less constantly, with others since he'd been old enough to physically perform. No, it wasn't a romance or sexuality that made him lean toward his brother till he was resting his head on one hand propped on his knee, it was that idea that maybe, if he was good enough, figured out the puzzle, he could get the one adult male in his life who mattered to love him as everyone else did.
When the answer eventually came he nodded, both opening statements were true and the rest continued in that trend. It was an interesting truth that neither of the new Exalted Highness' brothers had any interest in his position. There would be no fraternal rivalry for the throne.
"I would hate it too. I'm not made for anything close." Though the Raven and the Goldfinch had very different sets of interests neither could stand to be idle or bored for any length of time without acting out, it was one of the points where their opposite personalities met. Perking up at the mention of Kalzasi, a nation that interested Raithen for purely self-interested reasons, he was about to ask about the trip but was beaten to the punch.
"Oh. I just," Want to know you, "wondered if I was the only one to question where I've been put." One shoulder shrugged and he drained what little remained of his refreshment before, having forgotten about Kalzasi, he instead asked,
"What's it like when Her Divine Radiance is... When She is in you?" Thoughtless to the possible implication of this he went on, "Avaerys has never used me as vessel, I don't think, but sometimes when His Will is on me I feel almost like I'm not in control of myself any longer. Like I'm being compelled or driven to expressing His Will and if I don't I might... die, maybe."
The smile helped, as they were rare, paradoxically more so in private than in public, but it was gone as quickly as it had come. When his brother drank, so did he, a moment after. It felt like how he'd mimicked his brother as a child but it wasn't. The truth was he was using it to pull his eyes away from the sharp tongue running along the wet mouth.
The fact was; Phocion was beautiful. Their mother was beautiful, of course, and their sister, and basically everyone in the Divine Linage. But Phocion was somehow more, even as he was less. He was the least showy of anyone in their extended family that Raithen knew even moderately well, he was dark of coloring and slight of frame and yet...
Raithen knew, though he never let himself stop to think about it, that he was probably obsessed with his brother because everyone else in his life that had been around for most of it treated him like the golden boy he literally was. Their older sister did not count as he had hardly known her as a child, still hardly knew her. Phocion had treated him as an annoyance almost all the time with little glimmers of what could hardly even be called affection, to keep Raithen on hooks looking for more.
It wasn't that he was in love with his brother, he'd never been in love with anyone, so far as he knew. He'd never pursued or considered pursuing Phocion as lover, something he had done, more or less constantly, with others since he'd been old enough to physically perform. No, it wasn't a romance or sexuality that made him lean toward his brother till he was resting his head on one hand propped on his knee, it was that idea that maybe, if he was good enough, figured out the puzzle, he could get the one adult male in his life who mattered to love him as everyone else did.
When the answer eventually came he nodded, both opening statements were true and the rest continued in that trend. It was an interesting truth that neither of the new Exalted Highness' brothers had any interest in his position. There would be no fraternal rivalry for the throne.
"I would hate it too. I'm not made for anything close." Though the Raven and the Goldfinch had very different sets of interests neither could stand to be idle or bored for any length of time without acting out, it was one of the points where their opposite personalities met. Perking up at the mention of Kalzasi, a nation that interested Raithen for purely self-interested reasons, he was about to ask about the trip but was beaten to the punch.
"Oh. I just," Want to know you, "wondered if I was the only one to question where I've been put." One shoulder shrugged and he drained what little remained of his refreshment before, having forgotten about Kalzasi, he instead asked,
"What's it like when Her Divine Radiance is... When She is in you?" Thoughtless to the possible implication of this he went on, "Avaerys has never used me as vessel, I don't think, but sometimes when His Will is on me I feel almost like I'm not in control of myself any longer. Like I'm being compelled or driven to expressing His Will and if I don't I might... die, maybe."
