46th of Frost, 119th Year of the Age of Steel
Talon took in a deep breath and simply stood there for a moment. He closed his eyes. He let the cool breeze of the Frost mountain winds brush over him then set his pack down on the ground. He carefully undid his sword belt then pointedly placed the blade neatly on the ground nearby. With measured slowness, Talon began to undo the straps of his armor. He winced and groaned slightly as the ache of sore muscles and the reminder of bruised body parts made themselves evident once more.
He’d been delving into the Warrens again. The refinement of his craft had required that he get his hands on some different reagents. He couldn’t exactly say that he was successful and if truth be told, his heart hadn’t truly been in the search. All of his efforts had been a distraction. All of his delving into the depths of the Warrens had been in an attempt to dive down and escape a deeper question that had been lingering in his mind the entire season.
Riven.
Even the very thought of his companion’s name brought a flurry of confusing emotions surging into Talon’s brain and his heart. The strongest of those emotions was love. That love though, was enveloped by a wounded pain of his own making. It was only further exacerbated by the fact that the two of them had such minimal contact throughout the whole season that Talon felt the rift of distance growing between them day by day. Earlier in the season Talon had learned that his companion had fallen in love with and taken as a romantic partner...someone else. While the ways of the Synnekar made it so that Talon had no particular issue it was the subject of that romance and how the two of them seemed to mix like oil and water that made him grow distant. Couple this with the fact that for the past year or so, Talon’s feelings for Riven had only been growing stronger and impossible to hide. A fact that he knew his counterpart was aware of.
How could he not be? The two of them shared the Bond. They had shared it for years on such a deep level that it was difficult for the two of them to hide their feelings for each other for very long. Talon was aware of how Riven might have felt about him. He also knew that his dark winged friend had been conflicted about his feelings. So Talon had held back. He had held back for several years because he did not want his Kurohane to feel trapped, as though he had no choice but to find love in Talon’s arms.
He removed his chainmail then stood up to his full height, stretching his arms, rolling his shoulders then slowly but purposefully removed his shirt. This was then followed by tugging off his boots and letting out a heavy sigh. Talon sat down on a rock. He placed his head in his hands and rubbed his face wearily. His thoughts were jumbled. His head swam with slight tiredness. His chest ached from a weight that wouldn’t leave it. His body was sore from the exertions he’d undergone in the Warrens and yet he found himself delaying stepping into the soothing waters of the hotspring just in front of him. His journey up to that point, his doubts, his fears, his struggles that had plagued him the whole season and even before that all boiled down to a single revelation that was true no matter how it was framed;
Talon was not enough.
He was not enough to take his place as Shinsei. He was not enough of a warrior to be of use to the Lorien Emissary. He was not strong enough to protect his city and his people from the threats of the Warrens.
He was not enough for Riven to confess his love.
Talon let his head fall for a moment as he stared at the ground between his feet. His vision was blurred slightly and he struggled mightily to hold back the tears that were welling up. This was not a time to fall into a spiral of self-pity. He had to do better.
He just...didn’t know how.
It was as these thoughts buzzed in his head that Talon felt a stirring through the Bond. A presence made itself known and the young Novalys heir couldn’t help but sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, catching the leather tie that held his ponytail in place. Slowly and with a purpose, he undid the tie then raked his fingers gently through his hair to unbind it. He heard footsteps but did not look up. When they stopped there was silence and Talon let it linger. When finally it felt as though it were too much, he let out another tired sigh. He spoke softly. His voice felt tired and sounded small even to him.
“Hello, Kurohane.”
