Legend of Ransera

"Well, there's no shame in being experienced or inexperienced," he assured him. "I was too young, I think. I don't regret it because I learned from it, but I don't think I was really prepared. Some people make it out to be some big spiritual thing. It wasn't for me. I just..." He shook his head. "It was a bad scene. A bad lot worse than this scene, anyway. It'll probably be easier for you in some ways, being a man grown."

He sighed, not because he was upset, but because it was heavy.

"I have before," he said. "Nowadays, I don't. Sometimes stars and moods will align and I'll fall into bed with someone and it's nice. It's fun. You were rather out of it when you arrived on my doorstep, so you might not remember, but I wasn't alone." Aurin chuckled. His brow furrowed a bit. "I don't mean that as a brag. It's just a thing that happened. And again, if you choose to add that to your repertory, it's not like every man, woman, and client beyond the binary is going to have access to your body. The goal is to cultivate a few clients that you connect with, that you enjoy spending time with. Madame Lunaria's canny enough to weed out the bad investments in the Cabaret and from among its guests.

"But if you are still considering it, tell her you're considering it. She'll give you some time. She'll also probably be even more diligent about finding you some good clients so you enjoy the experience enough that you don't mind signing on for more. She gets a cut because the Cabaret is hers, and she has an eye for long-term return on investment." If she thought in terms such as those, at least Arry had Aurin to be aware of how things work but also sensitive to his feelings more so than she could afford to be.

"Aye, I could do that," he allowed. "I hear a lot of what the others say about clients, too. It's always good to listen, Arry. Listen and remember. People say a lot of bullshit things, but sometimes there are pearls hidden in there."

Since he wanted to nap and Arry wanted him here, he decided to get comfortable, moving a bit so he could rest his head on a pillow and slide his arm under Arry's neck so they made more economical use of the space.

"Married people fuck to procreate," he went on. "Most people just fuck to recreate. Poets sing about fucking to just... create. It can make it feel like there's a bond between you and the other person. Maybe there is. People say it helps make love a physical thing, but I don't know about all that." While he wasn't embarrassed to talk about sex, laying it all out like this brought up rather uncomfortable conclusions about his own past, his own life.

It occurred to him that this was new, this physical intimacy coupled with straight talk. But he could feel the dark tide rising, the one that always rose from the depths like a shark sniffing blood in the water. The blood was just his vulnerability, though sometimes he thought it was the vulnerability of others.

"If you just want to get it over with, we could fuck. I'm no Prince Charming and it'll still be awkward, but at least you know me better than anyone else in Kalzasi, I guess." He didn't know if that was what Arry was angling for or if that was what he wanted but didn't know how to ask or didn't know how to articulate it fully in his mind. The bravado of the street helped prevent bigger bads from selecting one as the easiest target, but it also hid real weaknesses so they never got turned into strengths.

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't find you attractive," he said, his smile wry but less sharp than usual. "You're a little shit, but you're cute. There's something about you, I guess. But I don't want you to feel like me helping you out comes with a price tag or anything like that. And I don't want to make things weird... weirder."

He brushed back an errant scrap of gold behind a dagger-like ear. It was almost tender.

"It's a shame you felt like you had to hide yourself." He paused, hazel eyes frankly staring into gold. "My mother — the assassin — she was beautiful. She weaponized her beauty, her sex. Everything was a weapon for her. The courtesans use their beauty as a tool, if not a weapon. I don't know that I can teach you that, but I can maybe help you feel comfortable in your own skin. It's a place to start, anyway." He paused. "Hey, we don't have to do it right now, you know. This... being in the same bed... is new. Maybe sleep with me. Sleep on it. And then decide if you want to do more. It's an offer. One we might both enjoy. But you aren't on the spot here. I mean, I hope you don't feel like I'm pressuring you. It's an offer, that's all..."

Aurin tucked his hands under his cheek. It was better to keep them pinned down if they were idle while a pretty man lay in his bed. Part of him was definitely up for it if Arry was; another part of him was shouting alarums. Somehow neither voice was pleased nor denied yet. It ought to be in Arry's hands, though. Virginity was a construct in a lot of ways, but the young man didn't have a great foundation to build upon yet.

"It's likely to make things confusing," he admitted. "I'm shit with feelings. I don't know if it'll make you feel any particular feelings. The courtesans catch feelings for some of their patrons, but mostly, it seems as though they try to be pragmatic about things. It's not a traditional sort of thing even though, you know, it's as old as people."

Aurin reached out, carefully took Arry's hand, and placed it on his cheek. He turned his face into it, letting the ruddy bristle scratch at Arry's palm, and then kissed him gently there. When he turned his gaze back upon the elf, he was smirking, but he was always smirking. It wasn't unkind.

"I may be shit with feelings, but I know enough about sex. Let's just say for now, if we're here, like this... you're allowed. I don't think you're likely to do something that will upset me, but if that happens, I'll just ask you not to do it again. But I can't get mad at you for ignorance, not if you're trying to learn." He released Arry's hand, though he didn't shake it off his cheek. He let his hand rest on the elf's hip, not groping; just resting. Another point of connection to slowly build a physical comfort between them, a new intimacy. But he didn't pull him closer. Neither did he comment on the little squirms that brought Arry closer.

A chuckle sounded in him like rocks moving at the bottom of a stream.

"I suppose you could think of me as one of your mates from Antiris, sharing sleeping space. That wasn't so bad, right?" He knew there had been some bad blood, but there had been good bits as well, and those sleeping arrangements had led to what little experience the lad did have.

"You shine brighter when you're scrubbed and polished, too, kid," he said, laughing quietly as they maneuvered into a more comfortable position to nap. He improvised with what Arry gave him, then shimmied closer so their bodies were flush. He nuzzled the fabric on Arry's shoulder, then kissed the skin where his shoulder met his neck, then inhaled deeply with his nose pressed into golden hair.

"You smell better for a bath, as well." His arms were around Arry for the first time since he had caught his fainting body on the doorstep. He tightened them briefly.

Aurin tried to think of the right words to say, but he couldn't come up with anything. He wanted to say not to be nervous, but it was natural to be nervous. He wanted to say he would never hurt him, but they both knew that to be a lie. People hurt people, whether it was premeditated or in a moment of pique. A part of him even wanted to say fairy tale lies, but he didn't believe in happily ever after for most people, let alone himself. It might be a nice dream, but men like them couldn't afford to dream. The tigers came at night and took their childhoods in their stride, and the best one could do was learn to hold one's breath until the floodwaters receded.

Even in his head, his metaphors were mixed. It was good that most of his thoughts never escaped his damnfool skull.

Wanting to say something, though, because a warm body in his bed always made sleep come so easily and the moment might pass him by, he asked, "Is this all right?"

It was, for Aurin, at least, an important question. There were plenty of people who would seek to contract Arry's affections who would not even think to ask, let alone care what his answer might be.