Crimson (Aidolon Request)

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Nathan Cross
Posts: 33
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2021 9:18 pm
Character Sheet: https://ransera.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=1929
Character Secrets: https://ransera.com/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=1991

Image


Sphere: Infernal

Current Level: Lesser

Length of Contract: Permanent - Aidolon

Description:
Crimson appears like an innocent-looking young human girl with porcelain-colored skin, black hair, and crimson-colored eyes. Dressed in dark colors. Crimson could easily pass off as a human unless one would take the time to look into her eyes. Those who looked long enough would get that unsettling feeling as if death was looming over their shoulder. Nathan nicknamed her Crimson because of her crimson-colored eyes. He had heard her name once but tried as hard as he could he couldn’t remember it.

Temperament:
Mischievous, playful, and deceitful. Crimson used her charming and innocent look to deceive others. She likes to toy with her target's sanity and torture them endlessly, be it physically or mentally or both until she is bored and or finds a new plaything to add to her collection. The summoner could communicate with the Aidolon via mental communications but, it would make the summoner prone to the Aidolon’s suggestions and twisted thoughts.

Abilities:

Ballad of Death:
Crimson produces haunting melodies (via vocal cords or musical instruments), covering an area of 30 feet around her, instilling the feeling of impending doom to those that heard it. The effect becomes quite potent in quiet places and is nullified in places with lots of loud noises (at noisy taverns, bars, festivals, etc.). A person could also counter the effect by plugging one's ear and moving away from the area. Though nothing more than a nuisance at the current level, it will instill a slight lingering feeling of discomfort to those that stay within the area of effect.

Puppeteer:
Crimson can create, shape, and manipulate threads and strings made out of aether to gain control over the motoric functions of dolls, puppets, and figurines (The Aidolon at this stage could only control dolls/puppets/figurines no larger than the average human size.). The range of her abilities covered an area of 30 feet around her. At her current level, she could control four dolls/puppets/figurines at a given time and could push it to five dolls/puppets/figurines at the expense of continuous aether drained from the summoner. As soon as one of her dolls/puppets/figurines stepped outside her range of control, it would fall lifeless.
Last edited by Nathan Cross on Fri Oct 22, 2021 8:29 pm, edited 3 times in total. word count: 387
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Paragon
Posts: 1365
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:29 pm
Title: Chief Author of Ransera

Hi there Nathan!

Let's review the abilities for Crimson. Presently they are more along the lines of something I would expect a more powerful spirit to be able to accomplish. So I am going to offer up some suggestions!

Ballad of Death

The way this ability is written makes it seem that this is a potent mind altering effect. An ability that is powerful enough to completely strip individuals of not just one but two of their senses at such a large radius is beyond the scope of a Lesser Spirit's powers. To that end, I would advise that you decrease the range to a radius of 30 ft. and have it affect one or the other of the two senses. Additionally, when writing mind altering effect, I require that people provide an explanation of the ability's weaknesses. In this instance, since she produces the effect through the medium of sound, plugging ones ears could render them immune. Something to that degree.

Puppeteer

Let's scale this down to be actual dolls, puppets or figurines. Additionally, I would make the radius down to about 30 ft. I would put a definitive number on how many of these puppets she can manipulate at a given time. 4-5 dolls seems appropriate. I can certainly see her manipulating various dolls wielding knives and other dangerous weapons. Taking control of people is something more on the scale of a Moderate spirit or above.

Let me know your thoughts and please be sure to reach out for assistance.

-Paragon
word count: 258
Nathan Cross
Posts: 33
Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2021 9:18 pm
Character Sheet: https://ransera.com/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=1929
Character Secrets: https://ransera.com/viewtopic.php?f=20&t=1991

Hey Paragon,

I've made a slight edit to the appearance description.

Regarding the skill:

Ballad of Death - I've rewritten the skill writeup and change the effects from the previous one. Hope it would be a much more better fit for the Aidolon at the Aidolon's current level.

Puppeteer - Yes, that's the intention, I lost the words so I put down 'humanlike forms' in the previous skill description. I've changed it to dolls/puppets/figurines and added the size restrictions. Also adjusted the area of effect to 30 ft. around the Aidolon.

Thanks
word count: 97
User avatar
Paragon
Posts: 1365
Joined: Sat Jun 15, 2019 10:29 pm
Title: Chief Author of Ransera

Your Aidolon is approved as it is currently written. Enjoy!
word count: 10
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