Finding Your Zen [Æros]

[Hilana Chenzira]

60 Frost, Year 122

[Closed - Æros]

With the triumph and disaster of her first foray into Ecith out of the way, Hilana was turning her attention to refining other skills back home. She would have time to practice other things, but she was painfully aware that she needed to improve. She had her Semblance initiation in a few weeks, provided Dominus Æros didn’t change his mind about it, and if he had, well, the girl wouldn’t have blamed him. She didn’t think Semblance would have helped as much in dealing with the shadow creatures, but Kinetics had to wait for Raithen, and there was a great deal involved in that, too. Perhaps in Glade. Inasmuch as she figured on acquiring Traversion after the camel derby if her Uncle was there, if Raithen offered her Kinetics first, she was going to jump on it - and him - if the opportunity knocked. She had not forgotten how Daemon had told her that he had used Kinetics in order to sense the presence of the shadow creatures, as even though they had been incorporeal until they weren’t, they still had an impact on the aether flow. She would have been able to sense them and done something about it.

Maybe. Maybe not. But it was easier to tell herself that as a way of assuaging the guilt. But in the meantime, continuing her meditation practice was only beneficial. Beyond that, she had herbs and teas for both Æros and Khyan, as she wondered how her friend was. She had the large oatmeal cookies with the raisins and dates that Æros had liked before, and she had an extra bottle of mead for them. She knew Khyan would like it, so there was at least that. She would check on him then, too, assuming he might show up or tolerate her presence. Hilana wouldn’t blame him for that, either, if it turned out that he told her to get lost.

She just knew that the next time she went out, she was almost certainly going to go alone. Both of them had nearly gotten killed. The first part of the mission had been successful, but they would need another trip to Ecith for Finn to return Syren’s lute to her. And provided Arvaelyn didn’t kill her or forbid it, Finn, Hilana, and Kherdroth could set out again. Portal to the border, and fly the rest of the way. It seemed like a reasonable enough plan. But so too had her last one, and that had ended with Khyan and Finn grievously injured. The guilt she felt over it was intense, and she truthfully wasn’t sure how much Dominus Æros would even want her around. But she may as well find out.

Tiaz was hanging out on her shoulders, and resting on top of his coils, her head peeking out, was Fiya. The tip of her tail was gripping the shoulder strap of Hilana’s short linen shirt, anchoring herself there and using Tiaz as a vantage point for to look around while feeling safe and secure with her ‘big brother’. Hilana knocked on the door, greeting the servus. “Good afternoon. Matsi Chenzira Hilana here to see Dominus Æros,” she inclined her head to him.

[Aeros]

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The servus that greeted Hilana was a young half-elven woman; one who'd guided her through the manor a few times prior, soft recognition on her face. With both sunborn and Vastian features, she had platinum blond hair, golden eyes and deep tanned skin. Her expression at Hilana’s presence was cordial, though internally, she was a little confused— Hilana had not visited since Khyan had been returned to House Saelyan far worse for wear than when he had left. She was not entirely ignorant to the circumstances surrounding this incident, either, as people did so love to talk. Nonetheless, she had to assume that whatever business the Vastiana before her had with her Dominus was not exactly her place to comment on. Whether he’d be pleased to see the other or not didn’t matter; Æros wouldn’t be upset with the servus regardless.

“Yes, he’s…” she paused for a moment as she realized she had to guess regarding the Dominus’ whereabouts. It wasn’t as if he announced it every single time he changed rooms. “...this way!” She actually had no idea, but did possess Semblance herself and could easily enough tell who was where through the walls via their ætheric signature.

Hilana might have figured the girl guiding her did not actually know with any precision where Æros was given the slightly meandering pathing they took, but it wasn’t as if any guest would’ve been given the opportunity to look for the man themselves anyways. The first places she walked by, those being his office and his bedchambers, respectively, did not contain Æros. The latter of the two wasn’t empty; she recognized a sleeping Khyan within. On this, she made no comment. The hall that contained both rooms was, however, a dead end; turning around was a bit awkward, but the head of house usually was in one or the other.

Instead, though, he was within the manse’s largest study; rather, it was a room one could argue was a library more than anything else. It was a large open room with two levels, mirrored staircases on the edges leading up to the second level. The first level was populated entirely with large obsidian bookshelves and the upper one had more of those, but also held a lounge area; it was up there that sat Æros.

The starry senator was not deaf; he’d heard the two women approaching and, when they were close enough, he looked up from the text in his lap and eyed them both with a look that was, on the surface, inquisitive. The servus standing before Hilana bowed and gestured to their guest. “She called upon you directly,” the woman stated flatly.

"So she did, hm?" his response was devoid of tangible feeling. "You may go." And with a light wave, he dismissed the servus who appeared ever eager to take her leave. Whether it was because she had things to attend to or because she felt the tension in the air, one could not say.

“I expected you’d be by at some point, though I wasn’t sure when. Did you come with a particular purpose in mind?” His affect was far flatter than it normally would be, but his feelings towards his friend were complex at the moment.

She’d returned to him his lover half dead along with a gravely injured Finn, which earned the ire of the other’s lover already. Æros himself had thus far been silent, choosing instead to focus his energy on providing Khyan with the highest quality of care; to that end, the boy had been healed for the most part. He struggled to not be upset himself, but Arvælyn’s rancor was a force on its own and the half-Fæ considered Hilana to have been a close friend thus far. Was it really warranted to subject her to the wrath of royalty and then to his own? All parties involved did, after all, return him among the living.

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'Thoughts'

"Vallenor Tongue/Speech"

"Vastien Tongue/Speech"

"Valasren Tongue/Speech"

"Common Tongue/Speech"

[Hilana Chenzira]

Hilana could only imagine that trying to keep track of Dominus Æros when he was home was a job unto itself, and she stayed quiet as she followed the serva along. She had enough trepidation about showing her face, but she knew it was important to do so. Hiding made everything disappear for a while, but it didn’t go away. You got hit the hardest when you were trying to hide from something or someone, Hilana knew, and furthermore, not showing up was pathetic. Not coming was far worse, and it looked dismissive and callous considering how she counted them amongst her closest friends. They’d trusted her, and she’d gotten them hurt. She had little doubt that with all of his exuberant passion, Æros’ temper could rage as hot and as loud as Arvaelyn’s, though she had yet to see it. That didn’t hardly matter, though: thunder was loud, and lightning was silent, but lightning was what would kill you.

Given that she was unexpected and had come without notice, it wasn’t like she expected him to be waiting for her. Hilana had mostly kept a low profile over the last few weeks since her return and licked her wounds in private with her snakes, cat, and camel. She’d gone to work, sure, but outside of that and Raithen…

Her tie-dyed skirts, purple and black with strikes and slashes of a vivid bright blue that cut through the darker-coloured cloth like lightning bolts through darkened clouds over the Crystal Sea swished quietly as she followed the serva, her hands on her rucksack’s straps. She felt Fiya moving on her shoulder and against her neck, peeking out from safety of Tiaz’s much thicker, muscular body. She was unbothered by that, though the soft scales and flickering tongue tickled, and she smiled at the little python, raising her hand to stroke her scales and then those of Tiaz, too. By the time they’d gotten to the library where Æros was sequestered, Fiya had settled back into her hiding spot. She also bowed when the serva did, though perhaps not so low, but it was deeper than she usually did in private. Fiya’s tail was still hooked into the strap on her shirt, else the Vastiana would have brought a hand up to hold her in place. She nodded in thanks to the serva when she left, smoothing her skirts and staying silent until Æros addressed her.

Her usual wild energy and symphony was not there. It was subdued and like his own manner, rather flat, and it got quieter still at Æros’ tone when he spoke. The young woman was very much chastened and chagrined by the unfortunate turn of events, at least. “Thank you for seeing me, Dominus. I wanted to check in on you and Khyan. I brought some teas and tonics in case there’s still pains, either from your Reaving initiation or the attack in Ecith. But I felt I needed to see you first before I could ask to check in on him.” Hilana was brash sometimes, reckless others, but she had been learning when to be careful and to mind her tongue lest she cut herself with it. If he wanted her gone, then Hilana could deposit what she had brought for him on one of the tables or give it to a servus to take care of for him.

[Aeros]

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Æros was not actually surprised that Hilana did show, he had expected her to resurface at some point, but he had no real idea as for when that would be, and he didn’t care to seek her out himself. In his mind, this situation was her wrong to right, and he’d certainly let her try and do that if it were her desire. He was not a spiteful person to those he considered friends, and though he felt like she’d betrayed his trust here, she had been very close to him– it wasn’t as if he was devoid of empathy. His eyes shifted over her form before him, taking a moment to listen to both her words and her Symphony; both were subdued compared to her normal enthusiasm.

“Well, that was the correct choice,” he answered. “He is fine…but asleep, for now; if he wakes and comes ‘round, you can speak with him, but otherwise he ought to be left alone.”

As far as Æros was concerned at this point, Khyan was both his lover and his property, and for her to have gone out of her way to contact Khyan before speaking to him would’ve been…upsetting. It was, however, ingratiating to hear that cared as she did for the both of them. Knowing this did soften him, at least a bit.

Wordlessly, the tell-tale golden limbal rings appeared ‘round his irises– a few shades lighter than his naturally deeper eye color. He meant to semble her, to see from her perspective what had happened. Æros did look within Khyan’s memories, but they cut off abruptly when the boy lost consciousness. His attacker had also, apparently, stuck him by surprise, so it was not clear what exactly happened. Hilana, however, was conscious the entire time; he figured that within her memories, he’d get a fuller picture of what happened out in Ecith. This was not a long process, master of the magic as he was, he flit through the memories and absorbed the information fairly quickly.

Closing his eyes for a moment, he leaned back in his seat, his posture relaxing a bit. “...drawn by divine light, your attackers were, hm? What a fascinating scenario, overall.” The starry senator didn’t quite elaborate on his exact feelings.

Sighing, “...I question the wisdom in having lit the field up like that. Short sighted,” and it was not Hilana that did that; the object of his indignation shifted slightly.

- - -

'Thoughts'

"Vallenor Tongue/Speech"

"Vastien Tongue/Speech"

"Valasren Tongue/Speech"

"Common Tongue/Speech"

[Hilana Chenzira]

“I understand. But I’m glad to hear it,” Hilana truly was when Æros told her that Khyan was fine, just sleeping. That didn’t surprise her; but she was just glad he was in decent shape. Whether he’d forgive her or not for this fiasco was another thing entirely. It reminded her of the time one of her maternal uncles had tried to cheer her up by telling her she was not a hot mess, but she could be a spicy disaster sometimes. How apt it was years later.

The girl hadn’t worn her Mask to protect her from Æros’ curiosity, though she very well could have. But doing so made it look like she had something to hide, especially when she was there to try to salvage what was left of a rather stressed friendship and check in on them. She already knew that he was prone to peeking at such things, and there were precious few things to keep hidden from him. Æros already knew her story; she had told him almost all of it the second time that they had met. While she felt guilt over what had befallen the group of intrepid explorers, Hilana had had to accept that there was nothing she could have done to have prevented the calamity that led to Finn’s loss of his arm and Khyan’s impalement. Not as she was. Maybe if she had had Kinetics, which she needed to talk to Raithen about... Then she could have preemptively struck the shadows before they came for her friends.

But this was also the first time the Mask of Midnight’s Mother had come against the divine light of Deus Avaerys’ Empyreal Lords, and Hilana didn’t know that its protections would have been breached. ‘The shame you cannot lift away, you had better let lie,’ was on her mind regularly for the last couple of weeks as she tried to convince herself and failed at it. She could only hope that Asher and her old pack came into town within the next month or so, because she desperately wanted to sit with her old head wolf and talk to him about it. She already knew that he would take it to the grave with him, and he could talk to her without being in anyone’s corner but hers. Of course, he’d give it to her straight just how badly she had screwed up, but she could trust him to be in her corner on it.

Finding the field, landing, trying to keep everyone together under the protections of the Mask, the feeling of some magic from the ethereal light of the plants, Finn beseeching the Father of Solunarium, Khyan wanting more... shadows striking, Hilana Manifesting fire in Khyan's defense and to chase off Finn's assailant, some sort of strange lady intertwining around Finn, more shadows, Avaerys’ arrival. A portal to the infirmary of the Sentinels, Hilana supervising and assisting quietly where she could with her Mask prote--hiding her...

“It impacted the Mask,” Hilana said quietly, if a bit grimly, when he commented on the use of Divine Light. “None of us knew it would do that, so here we are. I should have prepared better for the great darkness.” She couldn’t bring herself to criticize her party’s actions, not when it was her preparation of other methods and on her shoulders as leader, either. She did, at least, take the blame for that. She had just hoped that there had been enough light for them to work off of and get the job done before carrying on. She hadn’t thought to bring dragonshards for them to work off of, because she hadn’t known that illuminite, which she used before when she went harvesting for seaweed and kelp in the River Vasta, would have assisted Khyan with his Sembling rather than just blowing up the field with His Divine Radiance’s favour.

But who was to say that the use of the dragonshards wouldn’t have exposed Khyan from the Mask’s protections? It could very well have had the same result, and with him being the sole target... Further, one thing was clear - the shadow creatures appeared to have the ability to traverse from shadow to shadow, which was why none of them had had time to intervene and have some ability to sense the precise locations of the creatures, especially as none of the party had Kinetics. Which was a glaring oversight he could tell Hilana intended to correct. Tiaz shifted on her shoulders slightly as Hilana moved her pack, bringing out what she had brought - multiple sachets of teas, and a large bottle of mead. "For the both of you, when you decide he's up to having some," she nodded at the drink. What came out of the bag next was likely a familiar flavour - those enormous oatmeal cookies that he had liked the previous season, with dates and raisins mixed in for an extra treat.

Bribery with food. Apparently she would stoop that low to bring gifts in hopes of helping allay the umbrage of the starlit Fae.

But if it worked...

[Aeros]

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Æros was open to hearing anyone out, if nothing else. He did like to hear every side of the story, regardless of where blame ended up lying, because he valued having as much information as possible before making decisions. He'd already heard what Khyan had to say, already seen the scenario from his lover's eyes– and now, he saw it from Hilana's, and heard it from her, too. These things together were enlightening; it was difficult for him not to be upset, still, but ultimately, this mishap was a multifaceted calamity, far more complex than what one might assume from the surface.

For one thing, far better efforts regarding planning should have been made; in an ideal world, Finn and Hilana would've met prior to test the interactions between Finn's Emblem and Hilana's mask. Perhaps they should've inquired into the safety and efficacy of using dragonshards. The light from the shards, he recalled, could result in attracting the shadows, but that did depend on potency, too. A smaller shard might very well have been enough to have allowed Khyan to perform his purpose and let them slip by undetected. It might also have resulted in less dire straits; fewer shadows, maybe weaker shadows, or, well, then there was the possibility that any illumination brought about to allow magic would've resulted in a swarm.

That was the other thing. Why hadn't the Silver Sentinels properly prepped Finn to the reality that using his Emblem like that would've resulted in immediately attracting the shadows? Surely, his superiors were aware of this phenomenon; people had traveled in and out of the city with those dragonshards, with other sources of illumination, so on, in all stripes; so why did they not inform him to have been more on guard upon its use?

The error here lay within a lack of preparation, and the blame fell on everyone involved, even those higher than the primary party. There was no true target toward whom he could fairly direct his ire, and that was irritating, since, well, it really is cathartic to assign blame. Æros sighed as he processed all of this, looking downcast and off to the side. But when Hilana mentioned her gifts, his gaze shifted back to her.

"I thank you. Your sincerity is…heartwarming." It was clear that the man was conflicted.

"It…I can't rightly stay upset with you from the information I've gleaned. I just…I wish I had made the time to have gone along myself, but there was a meeting that day and…not attending would've reflected poorly upon me." The strain in his voice was obvious, and at this point his negative emotions were notably self-oriented.

Him going wasn't an option, and though he knew this, it still vexed him. On top of the official duties he'd had that day, he'd also met with Arvælyn, and that conversation was an enlightening one in and of itself. Neither thing was something he ought to have missed; so then, why did he feel so guilty that he didn't? Irrational, that, and he even felt guilty at the prospect of assuaging these emotions with magic.

There was also more depth to his emotions here. If he'd been there, he could've helped, but if he'd been there, too, he'd also have met with Aværys, however briefly. And while it would be embarrassing to admit, and he'd therefore refuse to do so, there was some elements of envy regarding the others having been granted the privilege of His divine presence.

Nonetheless, when it came to calming their nerves, his guilt about doing so only served as momentary trepidation; wordlessly, he did soothe the Symphonies of both himself and Hilana.

"Unfortunate all around. I'll need to find a way to get involved with whatever the Umbrium efforts are for resolving the eclipse; I'd rather not subject any of us to that sort of risk again. Not Khyan, not myself, not you. And with my magical ability, I really think I should be able to help in some form or fashion." Woven within his words, there was determination.

- - -

'Thoughts'

"Vallenor Tongue/Speech"

"Vastien Tongue/Speech"

"Valasren Tongue/Speech"

"Common Tongue/Speech"

[Hilana Chenzira]

Hilana’s eyes were downcast. “I didn’t want them to get hurt. Either of them,” she said quietly. “I am sorry, Dominus. Truly. If I could have taken those blows, I would have. But the shadows were able to do something like traversion, and I haven’t seen them do that before.” The only thing that she could have done was maintain some barrier of fire, but that might have caused problems, too, because she didn’t have kinetics. What Prince Phocion had done with the kinetic barrier… something like that would have surely have been able to repel the creatures. And not one of the three of the group had had it. She vaguely wished Raithen had been there, but he had His Divine Radiance to attend to. She would just have to ask her lover for it, and start learning the basics from him. And books, because Founders knew there were a lot of books, but Raithen knew all kinds of tricks, too... And Daemon could show her more.

Either way, it wasn’t likely to have mattered without other vital preparations, and at this point there was no use crying over spilled tea. The shame that she couldn’t lift away, she had best let lie. Even if she felt awful about it. There was nothing else that she could do except make sure Finn and Khyan were as restored as possible, and that they suffered not even a scar from what they endured. She needed to talk to Khyan more, too, when he was ready, about what he had seen when he had Sembled Melindranovispont. And when the Eclipse was over... Hilana was going back to get something from there. She would make it up to him.

The shame you cannot lift away, you had better let lie.

She felt the wash of calmness against her already subdued mood, and she figured that the Horned Senator was doing something with it. She wasn't about to protest - he was in his rights, after all, as her social superior and the fact that she had gotten his property damaged. "We'll see what they decide to do, if anything." That part, with Arvaelyn, was something she was not keen to talk about right then. She didn't want to think about it, because while she'd gotten Khyan hurt, Finn had nearly lost his life. She didn't know how exactly she was going to make it up to him, either. She'd poked her head out enough to deliver a couple of sticky golden honey cakes to the Palatium Umbrarium while largely under the protection of her Mask, but Hilana definitely considered Dominus Æros to be the easier one of the two to approach. But Arvaelyn, directly? Hilana wasn't feeling particularly suicidal.

In any event, this was the lowest, and quietest, she'd ever felt, even compared to the business with her father. But back then, she'd had a goal, and a long-term plan, and none of those plans involved getting those she cared about hurt. This one hadn't, either, but it had worked out that way, and there was nothing she could do but deal with the consequences. Some part of her wondered about people who lived their lives like this, but at least Khyan was physically hale. The teas for both he and Dominus Æros would be beneficial for them, too, and perhaps her friend would at least enjoy the cookies. "How is Lydia?" she offered a slightly better topic, even as Fiya rested there while Tiaz pushed against her jaw, and Hilana closed her rucksack before adjusting it and petting her much larger python than the little steely female who was using her 'big brother' as a hiding spot.

[Aeros]

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He sighed, “..and I am sure of your sincerity.”

Oh, how he wished the results had been different, that the die cast had granted them a more bountiful outcome, but what benefit was there in staying mad at things beyond his control, at things in the past? All he wanted going forward, now, though, was to expand his reach; he wanted more variables to be under his control…and while he would endeavor to do so, he was aware that such things could take a painful amount of time. Vexing, indeed.

‘We'll see what they decide to do, if anything.’

It took willpower to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. He knew how slow bureaucracy could be, much as he wished it wasn’t.

“Indeed. We’ll have to wait, but I do so hope I’ll hear of it in advance enough to help out.” Of course, he wasn’t sure if he was on the level to be notified.

A shame, that would be, if they skipped his name, given his rapidly increasing magical potency.

When Hilana changed the subject, Æros adjusted in his seat, pulling the one sleeve he currently had back; coiled ‘round his upper forearm was Lydia, tailed hooked around party of his lunicite gauntlet; she had been asleep, but the sudden adjustment to light and temperature caused little beady eyes to open and her small head to lift, tongue flicking as her disoriented gaze set itself upon Hilana.

“She is doing quite well, actually. We’ve had little issue…but even if something were to arise, I’d be able to spot the anomaly– so would Khyan– well in advance of it becoming too much of a problem.” His voice was lighter, now.

“How is your menagerie?” Asking about one specific serpent was somewhat of a moot point since he did wonder about the whole of her collection.

- - -

'Thoughts'

"Vallenor Tongue/Speech"

"Vastien Tongue/Speech"

"Valasren Tongue/Speech"

"Common Tongue/Speech"

[Hilana Chenzira]

"Hello, Lydia," Hilana smiled at the juvenile python. "Are you enjoying your hiding spot?" She was deeply amused by the fact that she had been there this entire time, a bit of brightness in her otherwise subdued and grey moods. With the sleeves, it was much harder for Hilana to pick her out, considering how she was all coiled up and unmoving. She nodded as Dominus Æros spoke of their Semblance abilities and catching problems before they started. That was smart, especially with the established healthy parameters presented in their snake's aura. The moment something looked differently, then they could act before it became more of a problem. Tiaz shifted his head slightly, his forked tongue flickering as Fiya cuddled along Tiaz's own coils, peeking out at Lydia.

"They are good, no problems there, really. Waiting on my mambas to come, but they will be here soon... so I've made up their terrariums and got them ready. My aunt arranged for them to come for me, since they will be useful for some projects that I have planned." These ones, she would only keep some antivenin on hand for, as they were far less common up here in Solunarium Proper. The rest of their yield, she intended to continue building up her repertoire of poisons. She would be needing to use a lot of caution with them - with Finn healing and otherwise confined to the palace as far as she knew, the snake hooks would be sorely needed until she could pay for another Mesmer to tune them to her. While she was a practiced hand with snakes and everything else, it never hurt to have a failsafe.

"I won't take up any more of your time today, Dominus. But thank you for seeing me and hearing me out. I hope that these are of some use to you," Hilana nodded at the teas, cookies, and bottles. "I hope that you and Lydia have a good day. Please give my regards to Khyan when you see him," she bowed to him once more. But after that, if he chose to dismiss her, then Hilana and her serpentine companions would leave him to his books and the company of his own little noodle.

[Aeros]

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The tiny serpent, perplexed by the sudden shift in both temperature and light when she was revealed to Hilana, eyed the Vastiana curiously in response to her voice, tongue flicking outward to reassess her current surroundings.

"I've found she does quite like to just sit with me…and I find the presence of her little Symphony to be calming." Æros looked down to his serpentine companion as he spoke; he found himself carrying her with him more as she had begun to get larger.

Though his mood was dampened due to recent events, the starry senator looked to his friend curiously at the mention of further acquisition of venomous snakes.

"Do fill me in on these….projects of yours as they come along. I'm curious." If nothing else, the interest in his eyes indicated he'd forgiven her enough to continue involving himself in her life.

And with her parting words, it really was difficult to be upset with her in particular. Though he had not mentioned it, certain very recent decisions made by Khyan and Finn had vexed him, too; he was in a complicated spot emotionally with several people for the moment and now was not the time to unpack all of that. Perhaps he would when next they met, but perhaps not– he wasn't sure when he'd find the words to do so or the will to want to.

"Your gifts are always appreciated, Hilana, truly," she'd know he meant this, because in addition to the sincerity of the tone, he'd imposed the appreciation into her Symphony as well.

"I will when he wakes– do take care of yourself." And with that, he dismissed her.

The same servus who'd escorted her in had been waiting outside the room to guide her out.

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'Thoughts'

"Vallenor Tongue/Speech"

"Vastien Tongue/Speech"

"Valasren Tongue/Speech"

"Common Tongue/Speech"