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Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2024 10:19 am
by Hilana Chenzira
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15 Ash, Year 124

[Closed - Sivan]

HIlana and Lia had visited Sunrunner Alchemy a few times during Glade, and while they had been back and forth during Searing, they knew Sivan and Torin had gone abroad for the season. But Ash was here, and the sisters, while having a fairly busy season so far, were back to visit once again. Lia was looking forward to finding out about her new companion; Hilana wanted to talk about their shared interests, and maybe, just maybe, ask if he might be comfortable initiating her in Summoning some time in the future. She knew she could acquire the rune at home fairly easily with some coin… but she liked Sivan’s way of looking at it and the way he interacted with the natural world. The two of them had much in common that way, and despite his being Hytori and not Sunborn, they got along well.

He wasn’t an Orkhan, after all.

With the crispness of the season, both of the Vastiana sisters had their warded cloaks covering their outfits, though the hems of Hilana’s skirts were visible - a deep raspberry hue. She was carrying a basket of treats on her arm, meads, cakes, plants, soil samples… his bottle of mead from his bees had been enjoyed and savoured at home in Solunarium, and true to her word, she’d brought some when they’d come back originally. And unfortunately for Sivan… she kept on bringing things with her. And fortunately for Sivan… they did tend towards the natural world, at least, and he was getting a steady stream of succulents from the Vastiana’s massive collection.

Hilana pushed the door open, knowing the bell would chime, and held the door for Athalia who came in after her. “Salve, good morning!” She was cheerful, but that enthusiasm tended towards being one of her hallmarks, as he’d come to find from his repeated interactions with them. Lia was calm, pleasant, and unfailingly polite, but her energy was much easier than her sister’s…. Even if she was Fire-touched.


Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Tue Oct 08, 2024 1:17 pm
by Sivan
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Over the summer, things had gotten complicated. Nevertheless, Sivan persisted. Given the amount of money Kilvin's Forge made—and he still thought of it thus though his name had been added to the sign—they were able to keep in steady communication with Timon, who, while technically an apprentice, basically managed the financial side of things, as well as Kala, as factor to Lady Akshara, and Aurin, as the man who owned Torin despite slavery being illegal.

For the autumnal season, at least, Sivan could travel back and forth between their shop in Kalzasi and his master's workshop in Silfanore. More money was spent paying for portal travel to the border and, once across, extra to go directly to Kalzasi. Indric had offered to send him back to the border; he had traveled with Kala to Silfanore, and while he hadn't a permanent key to open directly to Silfanore, he could speed Sivan along and would not hear of charging him.

Of course, Sivan was just going to eat the extra cost, not pass it along to his clients. Timon could yell at him all he wanted, but Sivan could be stubborn when he wanted to be, even in the face of teenaged withering glares.

And so he was present when the Vastian ladies arrived; meeting with him was generally based on appointments or Timon's lunch breaks, anyway.

When they were shown into a small, private showroom, Sivan was completely oblivious to their presence. A small golem lay upon the table, surrounded by a complex summoning circle. Next to it was a collection of bottles of personally hand blown glass. Next to those, a blue ceramic pot too large for the deep burgundy flower with rich golden stamens that grew from it.

Timon cleared his throat. Still nothing. The lad cast the ladies a long-suffering, apologetic glance, then hurried over to grab Sivan by the arm.

"Your appointment is here."

Blue eyes looked curiously at Timon for a moment, then lit up and he turned to smile bashfully at the ladies.

"S-salve, good morning to you as well." He offered a foreign bow; he had been in Sol'Valen long enough for old habits to reassert themselves. "Thank you, Timon."

The lad seemed disinclined to leave, wondering if Sivan would somehow manage to give them everything for free and the deed to the forge as well, but he bowed to them and quit the private room.

"It is a pleasure to see you again."

Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Mon Oct 14, 2024 10:32 pm
by Hilana Chenzira
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Whether it was Timon or Sivan, neither Athalia or Hilana had any intentions of taking advantage of him from a business perspective. They could have, certainly; but neither sister was of a mind to do it. Hilana had spent enough time working with the caravans and traders, and knowing how prone people were to negotiating and bartering at home, well... When they had picked up their purchases in Frost, Hilana had simply paid double what he asked for and wouldn't take back the coins. She had learned a lot from the solution, studying it and watching it work and investigating it under Semblance. The ink had performed with Scrivening quite well, too.

At Timon's look, Hilana just offered a shrug and a smile, preparing to open her mouth again and greet Sivan properly now that they were in the private room. Lia put on her aura glasses, looking around for Khalcifer, and observing the body on the table by the summoning circle. She was genuinely curious to see how this process went, and she was certainly excited in her own way to have a little friend that could sit with her and would not shed. Hilana's cats were lovely, but the hair... well, it was a good thing that her sister was good at cleaning up after them. Of course, the fur of the green ones was proving decidedly useful in Alchemy, and Hilana had a little papyrus bag of it for the Hytori to experiment with.

"The pleasure is ours," Hilana offered a little bow of her own, as did Lia, and now that he was seeing them, they could approach without startling him and interrupting something important. "How have you been? We have some things for you." She could see the plant on the table, and she was quite curious about it. That was beautiful. She shifted her rucksack carefully from her back after setting her satchel down, and retrieved the echeveria in its pot. It was primarily white, though the tips were frosted with pink and plenty of red. "To add to your other ones." It was in a clay pot that had been painted to resemble a sunrise in the desert. There were tiny little quartz crystals embedded in the clay to give it a little extra sparkle as well. There was another bottle of mead - prickly pear this time, it seemed - and a bottle of Umbrian red wine. And oddly, a packet of silky green hair.

Hopefully he wasn't allergic...



Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Fri Oct 18, 2024 4:25 pm
by Sivan
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Once Timon had quit the space, he was rather overwhelmed with whether he ought to give them presents or receive presents, but he wasn't about to shush them so instead he took the clever pot and looked it over with knowledgeable, appreciative eyes.

"Ah..." came his appreciative noise. With some effort, he put it down near the flower that had been awaiting them. "I shan't speak to it now, lest I prove rude to my guests and clientele." He smiled ruefully and took up the burgundy flower, lifting it out the blue ceramic pot to reveal a simple, yet beautiful wooden pot. Closer examination would show it was sung wood from Sol'Valen, where wood elementalists made art by sculpting wood with magic. The flower itself was, "It's a sort of mountain peony you can't find in the wild outside of Sol'Valen. I have a little spirit keeping the air and soil around it just so, and it will work long enough for you to set something up however you have things set up at home... And both pots are for you. I just wasn't sure which would fit your home or garden best, and didn't want you to feel compelled to re-pot it too soon. It'll want to get accustomed to its new home for a while."

He tapped the diverse bottles, pointing out those that she had ordered as well as mead from his garden, and alchemical fertilizer, and plant-safe pest deterrents.

"And for you, mistress," he said to Athalia, "a body to house a fire spirit." He moved over to show off the clever body he had constructed. The true genius of its systems were hidden behind the elegant lines of its "skin," mostly wood treated alchemically to resist heat.

It was humanoid, like a puppet without strings. Its eyes were dark holes, however, and there was a metal grill where its mouth ought to be, and a larger one on its belly.

"I have been working with a fire spirit of a similar... hm... phyle as Khalcifer. The contract bound him to me at first, but I have been retooling the agreement so that he... though sexless, some spirits do have gender... so that he is somewhat bound to the body I have built for him. And should this all be to your liking, I will help the two of you bind yourselves together. Not like a true aidolon, but then, this isn't a true golem. Something a bit more unique. Not that golems aren't unique... but... ah... would you like to meet Kalor?"

Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Sun Oct 20, 2024 9:43 pm
by Hilana Chenzira
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"Beautiful," Hilana was thrilled as she looked it over, her fingers gently touching the edges of the petals. She would have a read in her book about it and see what sort of situation the plant would like. She was glad that he had tasked a spirit with the job in the meantime, and she wondered about it. She activated her Semblance, and had a look in the pot, investigating its contents - studying the little peony and the pots. Beautiful. Sung wood indeed - that was going to be something she would have to experiment with and practice. "You are very kind, and I thank you." He likely wouldn't allow her to pay him for them, but the back-and-forth trade did seem to work nicely for both of them.

But the things that she had ordered she could happily pay for, and Lia as well for her new companion. Hilana hushed, now, content to watch and see how this whole process went, and if the fact that her eyes had completely changed from their usual bright brown to a constantly changing kaleidoscope of colours was any indication, she intended to watch through whole process through Semblance to try and understand and observe it.

"This is beautiful," Athalia nodded at the body. "I quite like the way it is made. You have a knack for design, Master Sivan." And this way, too, she could make little adornments out of heat-proof materials to let the spirit... a he, apparently, dress up from time to time. Perhaps he would enjoy such things. Perhaps he would like little accessories; she would have to see how everything went together and what he liked. "'Phyle'... family?" Lia made a guess at the term. It seemed rather logical that he meant similar, since she had been so taken with Khalcifer before and had asked for one similar to his aidolon.

"Yes, please," the sisters chorused, and then Hilana chuckled and Lia smiled. She was excited, though her way of showing it was far calmer than Hilana's, who would sometimes bounce in place and quietly clap her hands. There was an eagerness to the Vastian woman, though, who was usually fairly taciturn compared to the plant-obsessed Vastiana. "Kalor," Athalia tried out the name, nodding. "Kalor." Fire knew fire, and she was looking forward to him. It would be a very different experience, but something unique and special to enjoy.



Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Tue Oct 29, 2024 4:08 pm
by Sivan
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Sivan smiled at the thanks, nodding graciously.

In most cases, he would rather let Timon handle customers and clients, but this was all right, too. But, of course, he would have to be mindful he didn't talk about Sol'Valen and his Hytori roots, as they were anathema to Solunarium. Neither could he dwell upon his Dratori roots, as they were considered mongrels.

"Phyle, ah..." He considered. "It comes from a word that meant tribe or clan far back beyond memory, but family is close enough. Perhaps similar to the Vastian gens?"

Noting that they were both ready to watch his presentation, he straightened his shoulders and began. His hands did some gymnastics, weaving symbols out of the aether that began to align with or connect to the summoning circle in which the inert golem lay, as well as pictographs marked upon it with a wax pencil. Energy gathered, both what they could sense with their Runes, as well as energies that tickled at senses that had never quite developed fully in them. All their races were, after all, evolving, even as they evolved as individuals.

"Ni yalë tye, Kalor. Úr-ruinë. Urwa ruimen. Kalor, á tule."

The lines drawn and the lines picked out in the air seemed to catch fire, to flow like lava, though the only some little heat was exuded from the spellwork. It was flashier than it needed to be, but he thought they would appreciate the show. That fire in the air coalesced into what they could recognize as a spirit, drawn entirely through from the Plane of Fire. Now, he had to secure it.

Thankfully, he had already worked with Kalor, and it took little time to cajole him into the golem body. Spiritual essence suffused the thing, and a faint glow began to emanate from its belly and its eyes, a sure sign that the golem was indwelt.

Ḥ̴̡͉̜͊͌͑̈͌̊̄́͗͆̃̒̀̕͘͝͝į̷̡͈͉͓̥͖̱̞̦͙̫̒̈́͜ͅ.̵̡̱̞͈̠͚̀̓̄̅͗̉͛͆̄̽͂͘̕ ̷̛̙̌̀̃Ĥ̸̲̩̬̓̅̓̿̈́͛̎́͊̚͝͝͝e̸̙̽͌̅̋̀̎͑͋̀́̉̓͐̓͑̌l̴̰̗̦̫̝͖̇̔́̊̑̑͊̇̽̓͒̂l̸̙̹̤͙̓͑̾͗̋͛̒͘̕ợ̵͂͋̓̓̔.̸͕̳̙̱́ ̷̡̛̳̫̳̗̥͔̣͇̄̑̋̀͂̑̽̑̈́̆͆̾̚ͅK̶̘̰̤͌̈́̽̒͝a̶̬̭̮̰̜͚̽͑̅̎́̕͠l̸̢͈͈͉̺̣͍̗̲̀o̶̢̧̡͍̱͚̯̠̳͕͔͕̰̣̼̍̄͗̈͛̀͊̊̌̕̕r̶̨̨͉̞̬̰̈͛͆̑̉̿͌̋͋̈́̏͘̚̚͝, it coughed. It stood on wobbly legs, almost knock-kneed. It coughed.

"New-spark. Greeting. Kalor." It looked up at Hilana. "A-tha-li-a?"

Sivan coughed, pointed at Athalia.

"Hi. Hello. Kalor greets Siv Hearth-tender." It followed Sivan's indication, making a little pointing gesture with its own minuscule hand without realizing, then looking at Athalia. "Hi. Hello. Kalor greets Athalia. New-friend. Sparks joy." It managed an adorable little bow.

"The golem chassis provides the contract between you. As long as you keep aether in its reserves, it will keep Kalor on this plane and he will work with you. I stress with you rather than for you. The contract allows him to dissent, although not for, hm, frivolous reasons. The chassis also provides means for him to speak to you, so, when he quits it for any amount of time, communication might be more difficult until you learn a common idiom. If you need to make changes to the contract, I can help. Or another sufficiently well-versed summoner, though Kalor and I know each other ow so it would be easier for me to do it. Or, if you ever become a summoner yourself, I can help you understand the contract, which is more complicated than most competent summoners would make the time for. I don't mean either of you to be tethered to me, although I am, of course, happy to continue to help."

Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Sun Nov 03, 2024 11:07 pm
by Hilana Chenzira
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They nodded at his explanation of family versus clan versus tribe. That did make more sense, and Lia was quite pleased that he had made that connection, considering how taken she was with Khalcifer. With luck, Kalor would be similar to Khalcifer in temperament, and while it would never be quite the same, considering she was not a Summoner and had no desire to take up that Rune, especially knowing that Hilana intended to... but she knew full well that if elemental spirits were treated with the respect they deserved, then just about everything could be worked out with one.

The sisters watched him, and Hilana had decided not to take notes lest she unsettle him. There would always be time for that later, especially if she might be able to convince him to train her. But through Semblance, she could observe the Summoning ritual, noting the way the aether flowed and where it gathered. She could clearly see the sigils and runes, the carefully etched pictographs. Each of those she could start to read and understand how they were all interconnected. This was entirely different from watching it with one's normal eyes like her sister was doing, but Hilana had seen others do that, though admittedly at a distance. Having a private viewing might well help her understand more about Kalor and the process that Sivan was undertaking here.

And when the golem body began to emanate that light, Lia imagined the delight she felt was akin to what Hilana experienced watching one of the animals she had tended to birthing. She clasped her hands in front of her as Kalor stood, smiling at him. Hilana squeezed her in a half-hug, excited on her soror's behalf. "Hello, Kalor. It is a pleasure to meet you," Athalia offered him a little bow of her own before extending a hand to offer to shake his if he wanted to take one of her fingers. Her eyes were soft, and she was clearly delighted with him. This had been a couple of seasons of patience and waiting, but well worth the end result. "Fire recognizes fire."

Both of them were listening, though, to Sivan's explanation. "If he chooses to quit the chassis, is he able to come back to it on his own?" Hilana inquired. Neither of the Vastian women were inclined to try to change or alter the contract. It may have been complicated and complex, but they did trust the blond elf to know best here. One thing that Hilana quite liked about him and Athalia admired was his dedication to the spirits, and ensuring that they were looked after, and their safety and security was paramount. The sisters shared a glance, and Lia nodded do her. "Lia and I have been discussing it, and we were wondering if you might be willing to teach me Summoning." Hilana wasn't quite sure how he might react to that. While they did have no shortage of potential teachers back home, Sivan's mannerisms and methodology resonated with her and the way that she interacted with spirits as well. "I'd happily pay you for your time for lessons." Whatever supplies were needed, she could bring with her so as not to put him out.

He may have been Hytori... but she liked the way that he treated plants and the spirits, and actions spoke much louder than words.



Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Wed Nov 06, 2024 6:57 pm
by Sivan
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The little fire-indwelt golem reached out its hand to touch Athalia's palm, its own no larger than a newborn babe's. The spellsung wooden fingers were articulated by steel joints that had been treated alchemically to prevent friction, wear, and noise. There were even artistic details like 'fingernails' made of a single layer of mica. The wood against her skin was already warmed by the palarae, life-warm, though if the golem over truly became hot to the touch, it would be a sign that Kalor was working hard for a long period of time.

If her senses were acute enough, she might notice how he began to pulse aetherically in gentle time with her heartbeat.

"Kalor help A-tha-li-a-new-spark-friend. Warm and build and burn." The light in him flickered and he made a little sound that might have been delighted laughter. Then he let his hand fall and walked around in a circle, clearly getting used to being embodied once more. "One-two-three-four, one-two-three-four. Siv old-friend explain all-the-things to new-friend. You listen. Nice HELF. Wise-like-ember. Fun-like-flint-sparks."

Sivan's cheeks colored slightly, shoulders hitching up a bit even as he looked fondly at the little creature who seemed for all the world like a small child playing dress up in his father's robes and his mother's shoes, not quite certain yet of his movements.

"I love you too, Kalor," he said. And, gently, "Elf, not helf."

"HELF-two-three-four, ALF-two-three-four." And then he marched over to put his hands on a silver tea kettle and concentrated until steam began to waft out from its elegant spout. Sivan sighed with long-suffering affection, lifting the top and dropping a satchet of tea that he had prepared earlier.

"He is a... hm, most summoning tomes call his classification a palarae. I don't know if Soluniarian summoners have a different lexicon. Kalor is relatively strong, but also quite young. So, as you can see, quite child-like. Speech is a work in progress, but he does learn quickly so I am sure within a few seasons, he will be speaking Vastian with some fluency."

And, "Yes, he has free rein to come and go from the golem's body. It supports the contract, though, and will keep him in good health so long as its aether reserves are kept up. He seems to enjoy the novelty of it still, though, and as it will make it easier for him to interact with you and with other people, and he might just grow to be more comfortable in it than out of it. But sometimes being disembodied will be useful."

He began to serve the tea as Hilana broached the subject of education.

"Oh!" His blue eyes opened wide, then dropped as he poured them tea into bone-porcelain cups. Then, making eye contact again as he passed saucers and cups around—fixings were within easy reach on the silver tea service—he nodded. "I believe we could come to an arrangement. We would need a contract, however, which would be good practice as a great deal of the art of summoning is the art of contracts. You would need to be here for a fortnight for initiation and a fairly intensive period to learn the basics before I would feel comfortable sending you off to ah... somewhere I can't follow."

Strangely, he seemed apologetic about the fact that her people would incarcerate, execute, or force him into a Re'hyaean mold.

"I do not think you would go off half-trained and cause problems, but you will be my responsibility until you achieve a certain level of mastery. So, we would also need to have seasonal training sessions, and you would have, ah, tasks while you are in Solunarium. I can, ah, offer you room and board while you are here to defray the costs..."

Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Thu Nov 14, 2024 10:09 pm
by Hilana Chenzira
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"Warm and build and burn together, new friend. I will listen, Kalor," Lia assured him, smiling. It would be a new experience to have a little companion like this, but she could tell that Kalor was going to be far different - and as far as she was quietly concerned, better - than her sister's animal companions. Hilana enjoyed the wildness of the world; Athalia could appreciate it in much smaller doses. But Kalor, in his golem body, had a sophistication and an elegance to him, and he was completely and utterly unique. Sure, Hilana's snakes were different, at least, her pythons, but there was no comparison here. She had picked up one of Hilana's books on summoning that she had acquired over the last few seasons in anticipation of finding a proper paedagogus that she could vibe with, in order to prepare for her new companion. Athalia did enjoy researching and reading, after all, and she had wanted to have at least some background with an unfamiliar Rune in order to have a foundation for the explanation that was to come.

"He likes making tea, I see," Hilana seemed particularly pleased by this. But Sivan also knew that the younger Vastiana was a tea aficionado, and it was one of her drinks of choice. This was Athalia's new friend, but Hilana could make friends with a rock, so who knew? She did the cooking, and if Kalor liked to help in the kitchen, it could be a bonding experience.

"We understand Palarae," Lia nodded. "Now, when you say that he mention the aether reserves, is there a place for aetherite dragon shards? Are those the appropriate ones, or would he benefit better from something like pyrolyth? Or lodestones?" the Vastiana inquired. If the sisters had one thing in common with their personalities, it was that they did try to be upstanding custodians of their charges, and clearly, they wanted to make sure that he could receive the best that he needed in order to thrive.

"Gratias, thank you," Hilana thanked Sivan for the tea, and Lia echoed the sentiment as her hands wrapped around the porcelain. It did smell delicious, this blend, and both would taste it first without altering the flavour. But when he agreed to train her, her eyes widened and she inclined her head to him with gratitude. Those conditions were reasonable. She knew that Summoning was quite involved, with considerable risk. But she trusted Sivan with this, which may have been funny... trusting a foreign Hytori over her fellow Vastii. But it was in the way that he conversed with and treated them, too. Hilana appreciated it. After what had happened with Aeros' family, she wasn't comfortable getting the Rune from Palaemon, especially as he had been forced to become Aeros' new host.

She still hadn't expected him to say yes, especially not off of the hop, all things considered. But he did, and he was willing to give her the chance and the opportunity. "I agree. I can make arrangements for that." She had some friends who could feed the tegu, and all of her snakes could go a few weeks without feeding. When she explained to Vasilei what she was doing, he would likely understand. She wasn't one to take much time off, so she had certainly banked the holiday for when she needed it. "If you'll let me know what supplies and such you would want me to bring with me for it, I can provide those." She didn't want to put him into a financial hole with this. She would find a way to pay him, even if he was determined that she wouldn't.

When he offered room and board, though, for the time, Hilana smiled at him. "I have a tent that can go in the yard that will be fine," she assured him, as Lia chuckled into her tea, supping the piping-hot liquid with a contented sound. It may have been getting cold, and Founders knew by the time this was arranged it might well be Frost... only her sister would make those kinds of plans. There was also the Maze Manor if need be; though Hilana would prefer to stay close by here. There were inns, too, and she could certainly rent a room for a few weeks. That wouldn't be a problem. "I wouldn't want to put you out or disrupt your lives too much." Lia didn't want to say that she was concerned her sister would talk Sivan to exhaustion, considering how they could get started on shared interests.



Re: Graceful Golems [Sivan]

Posted: Mon Nov 18, 2024 4:41 pm
by Sivan
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"He likes to help," Sivan said with an affectionate smile. "I taught him to help with tea because I figured it would be immediately helpful. While the contract is largely a work-for-aether arrangement, he and his ilk are helpful in nature. If you make it seem like play, they will enjoy it all the more. I am told children and pets are like that...?"

His hands spread wide. Nobody had expressed an interest in making him a father, and he had plenty of animals he lived in symbiosis with, but he didn't really think of them as pets.

As for arrangements, "Before you leave, I can give you my tentative schedule. I will be spending some time out of Kalzasi, likely for a few seasons, and I can always send an elemental to Solunarium with newer information." And if he thought camping in his garden was odd, he gave nary a hint of it. After all, he was known to nap out there with some frequency. "I don't allow the garden to get as cold as a true Kalzasern winter, but between your elemental magic and all the elementals who owe me favors, we will keep you comfortable. Those who have been with me since I first settled here have learned to take hospitality seriously."

He paused. "Although I cannot think of a better incentive to come to a deal with a fire elemental than wanting to keep your feet warm in Karnor..." He considered, turning inward and murmuring, "A reading list until then. Will have to research Solunarian law. Hm..."

Sivan sipped his tea.

Then he blinked and looked down to where Kalor had his little golem hands on Sivan's boot. The armored spirit looked up.

Warm feet. Feet warm. Siv-no-trouble.

"Thank you, Kalor." He paused. "Gratias, Kalor."

Grah-tee-ahs, Siv-friend.

Sivan smiled, then looked up at the sisters, flushing both for the little display and because he had almost forgotten to answer Athalia's question.

"Oh, yes. Pyrolyth will be the easiest for him to digest, so to speak. Frostylyth the most difficult. He can, but it will be a less efficient transfer of power. And I don't imagine it's inexpensive in a desert city, anyway. Avoid abnijurium, of course, though most of the dangerous dragonshards are also too expensive to consider as fuel, I should think. When he is more fully integrated with his carapace and with you, I can show you how he might respond to other shards, though. But Hilana could also pour pure aetheric Fire into the receptacle and he can digest it. Or a lodestone. Or... well, he could cannibalize other spirits and it's not unknown in the wild. Elementals are wild spirits, after all, but while it might just be my own morality... I try to teach them to avoid that unless it's a matter of life and death."