The Higher Price [Aurin]

[Rivin]

Most people were naturally self-serving, said the Magus. Were there people who weren't? In his study of philosophy he had discovered that this was a debate that seemed to not have an real answer. Even though those on the side of everyone being self-serving had many examples and experiments to prove their points and the ones on the opposite said had few, and sometimes none, it seemed to be in the nature of many people to believe that selflessness could be achieved. Rivin preferred to believe that every creature did what it did for its own gain, even if that gain was the emotional satisfaction and pleasure of aiding another. Caring for others had many benefits and the Lysanrin didn't see why some people were so offended by the idea of everything being done for a reason.

What Aurin was saying broke through a little wall in Rivin's head and he pushed through the idea out loud,

"It is easier to deceive if part of what you are doing is a true thing? This is why you try and find something you like in the people who you wish to believe that you like them?" Making a lie only partly a lie made people believe it more? He wasn't sure if that was so, so long as the one making the lie was good enough at it. But he was not so good at it yet that he would not use a tool to be better.

He made mental notes as Aurin continued to speak, the underlying concepts were the most useful to him, though practice would be needed, he had no doubt. The confirmation that sometimes things, like being a predator, could be used in a way that, if not totally safe, at least could be safe. A lot of the sexual things he had observed had not looked quite safe, or had looked decidedly unsafe, but people seemed to want them, or at least tolerate them for the pleasure of others.

"So, most people, they have the things that they like, that they want. For some it is just," He shrugged, made a vague hand gesture, "sex, normal. Others want more specific things. Learning what those things are is, of course, useful. Learning about their lives, when they were young, it can help learn what things they want." He hummed, then nodded to show he was keeping up.

That the smith's father did not know his father was not a point that Rivin understood, but perhaps it was the other meaning, which, as far as he could tell meant 'bad', sometimes playfully, sometimes not. As Aurin used it, it did not seem playful.

He closed his eyes, imagined the combination of having a father figure who was not kind, possibly abusive, then being replaced by a better man but one who could not provide what was needed. Trying to put himself into something of that mindset. The lack of nurturing, the need of it; the harshness of wrongful discipline and then the lack of it at all. The idea of being beaten as he knew Aurin did with the smith did not appeal to Rivin at all, terrified him, but his reaction was based on his own experience. If he had lived the smith's experiences...

Opening his eyes he met Aurin's deep hazel ones as he thought it through, opening his mouth, hesitating, then saying,

"So, the things that you do with him, they give him those things that he could not get, or got in the wrong way, as a child. This would make him feel safe and wanted?" It was a question but a rhetorical one as he saw the answer on the human's face so he went on.

"And out of this you get to feel control and power, but it isn't something you are forcing, it is being given to you. Does this mean that you had those things taken from you when you were a child, so when you are given them, you feel also the good things?"

[Aurin]

"Deception is more effective when built on half-truths than pure invention," he said, nodding. "Most of the time. There are always exceptions. While seducing someone, I am also trying to figure out what else I might want from them. How to make it pleasureable for me, as well. Then the deception isn't as necessary." They could argue about what was real, but he was hardly a philosopher.

While Rivin ruminated, he sipped his strong tea.

He paused at Rivin's summation, then continued.

"In me, he has a lover and a father. He gets to feel safe and wanted. He gets approval and validation. He gets care and discipline... because I care to discipline him, to help him be better. And yes, I get power and control, but I also get love and devotion. Loyalty. He..." Aurin paused. "He knows me. He sees me. He forgives me. I have done many terrible things in my life and I am not trying to be a saint now, nor could I be even if I tried. But if I am a bad man and a monster, I have done some good. I have made some lives better for having lived. There is a comfort in that.

"And while I have relationships, long or short, with men or women or other, for different things, I suppose he is one of the... types...? When I meet someone who could be, in some way, strange or obvious, myself, I can help them. I can give them what I would have needed but didn't get... I can prevent another person from going through what I did, or help them heal similar hurts that I... won't ever get to heal for myself. He lets me be a good man, a good partner. And that is precious to me. Even to me... a bad man and a monster.

"Few evil people believe they are evil. I'm just an exception to that rule." His sudden smirk had an edge to it, the sort that people drew across their own wrists.

[Rivin]

Being known, being seen, being forgiven, these seemed to be things that Aurin wanted, possibly very much. They also seemed to be things that, based on the human's tone, most people wanted. It was not something he had space to consider in the moment, his energy was wrapped up in what he was being taught.

"You both get things that you need, on deep levels. Your relationship seems stable because it provides for both. I am not sure I am ready to simulate such a thing, even in deception, that is... too hard? Too much, for me, yet."

What he was learning about Aurin he did not allow himself to think about either, they were things to think about when he was deep down in Sivan's basement, when he was alone, in the dark, where his mind worked best. Perhaps it was a test, trying to see if Rivin would see the things he was telling and learn from them. Perhaps they were not even true. They...felt, true? But the Magus was a master of deception and magic both, what he said would feel how he wanted it to.

For a few moments, Rivin was not sure what it was that Aurin was trying to teach him, explaining his own relationship was of significant interest to the Lysanrin, but it seemed outside of the lesson until it wound back around to the idea that, however harmfully a person might act, that was rarely the whole of them. Here he nodded again, understanding that people, whatever they did, likely did not think of themselves as 'bad', or, if they did, as Aurin did, they tried to 'make up' for it. Penance or payment.

Yes, that was a very useful thing to know.

His question hadn't been answered directly, but it had been, he realized in retrospect, quite a personal thing to ask about.

"I can see that, how I am able to react in sexual things is a product of how I came to experience such things for the first time, and then after also. It is such a direct correlation in me, one-to-one, easily seen. In others, your smith, most people I think, it is a harder conclusion to follow but, with some study, some seeking, it can be found also, yes?" This felt like the point of the lesson, and it was a very good one to have, but he wanted to make sure he wasn't missing something else.

[Aurin]

"I would suggest you never simulate love, whatever that means to you, until you know yourself and other people much better. You might damage yourself." But that was all he wanted to say on that matter.

As for the rest, "Some people are complex and subtle in their desires, others are straightforward and clear. None of those are necessarily good or bad, though for those whose needs are complex and subtle, if you can suss them out and provide what they need, they might be even more reactive because their needs are so difficult to fulfill. And those who can... possibly rare."

It seemed that Rivin was coming around to the right conclusions. Aurin didn't have a manual to teach from, but he did get the sense that everything was interconnected. If mastery of his Semblance trick had taught him nothing else, it was that. Perhaps he ought to share that, as well.

"You are correct. Some nuts are harder to crack, and there are strategies you might use to mitigate your lack of hard and clear knowledge. But I think most people follow some sort of logical pattern. Perhaps even the mad." He shrugged, no expert on that topic. "But just like every mystery of science you might discover, or personal secret, or relationship, everything is interconnected. None of us exist without connections. If we are tangles of yarn and you find a knot, there are often other parts of the snarl that you can loosen that will help you." He laughed at his own expense. "Pardon all my mixed metaphors. But I think you have understood what I was trying to say. Teaching is not a thing I know how to do, but you are a diligent student, so you make up for where I lack."

Aurin paused, then took another sip.

"The other one. Who came before me. The shadow that haunts you. Would you like me to kill him?"

[Rivin]

The mixed metaphorical explanations in his second language did take him a moment to untangle, but they made enough sense that he didn't think he was losing anything vital in his translations.

It seemed as though this first lesson was considered concluded, which was well with Rivin; he had much to think on and much to study. The physical learning, how to hold his body, how to speak, these could come later, once he understood the heart of the thing.

When the conversation turned, rather abruptly, he took note of how it took him off his guard even as it did so, adding this to his repertoire of useful tricks even as he couldn't stop it from working on him. No answer was forthcoming, neither aloud nor in his head, so he let himself settle. Sitting with the question he drank off the rest of his tea and considered it.

At last he said,

"I do not know. There is so much, of myself, that I do not know. Both in how I feel about Doctor Ilex and what it was he did to me. I do not wish him to be gone, he is a resource I think I would not find again in the matter of his research. That is..."

He was not expressing himself very well, his tail began moving slowly from one side of the stool on which he sat to the other, not in true agitation but in some frustration.

"If I learn all I can from the books I took from him and there are still things left unanswered, and he is no more, I would never have those answers, yes? I think that, as much as anything else, I need to know."

This was likely the most honest thing he'd ever said to Aurin, even having never intended to deceive him. There are levels of truth and some only come out when we realize their truth.

"I am trying to work myself into studying the research but..." He sighed, frustration turning inward, "A good deal of it is about me, or at least I was subject to the methods being discussed and it is... difficult. I lived those things and remembering them is not so difficult as reading about them, not nearly so. I do not know why."

He paused here, yet again poking at the knot that was his lack of understanding why it was so very difficult for him to sit and study what he so desperately wanted to know. When nothing came of it he returned his gaze to Aurin and answer his question more directly.

"So, no. Not at this time. I do not even know, legally, what would become of me if he were to die and I was then found. I do not like the unknown, and, if he were no longer alive, I would have a lot of unknown in places that are dangerous and unwanted."

He was not sure, even then, that he was being understood, but he searched the human's face, hoping to see at least acceptance of his choice.

[Aurin]

Aurin wasn't even certain he had meant to startle revelations out of his student. So much of what he did was instinctual now, but he was going to have to pick things apart to explain them, after all. And he did like that it brought up new layers of Rivin to be examined. In any case, he would put out feelers for a Doctor Ilex when he returned to Zaichaer. Whether the man remained nearby or had fled to another Karnorian city-state, or even to the Imperium, he couldn't know until he started digging. If the man survived and Aurin could have someone keep tabs on him, then future decisions could be executed swiftly.

The Magus considered Rivin for a long moment, then nodded his assent.

"As you wish," he said. "If he survived the fall of Zaichaer, one has to wonder whether he sent anyone to find you. Slavery was illegal in Zaichaer; 'tis illegal here. I suppose in the Imperium, you might face legal ramifications if he survived and presses a suit against you. But here... all you have to deal with is normal bigotry aimed at the horned race."

He finished off the dregs of his tea.

"Would you like more?" he asked, indicating his mug. "Or have you someplace else you need to be?"

Aurin himself had early meetings at the theater on the morrow, and even though he could easily vault from Torin's bed to his wardrobe to his office in less time than it took to walk, it helped keep him in the right frame of mind to spend the night here in his cottage so close to the Golden Peacock. In any case, he didn't want to take up all Torin's nights. He had his other lover to balance, too. And it was entirely likely Torin remained in his valley with his people while Aurin returned to work and the questionable civilization of Kalzasi.

He wondered if Rivin would be comfortable sharing his bed, but he didn't ask.

[Rivin]

Looking down into the dregs of his mug the Lysanrin considered the offer. The implication was there, he had wondered if it would be. He was not in need yet, at least, not yet in the kind of desperation that led him to ask to have his need met. His body did not hurt with it, which was about the only thing that would cause him to ask. It wasn't from fear that he would irritate his Magus, not anymore, but he did truly dislike how the only way he could find release had to be. He might have said he hated it, but words like 'love' and 'hate' were not in his vocabulary, they had been trained out of him before he'd even known them. But there was something else that he wanted to ask.

Pushing the mug toward Aurin he said,

"I would enjoy another tea, perhaps stronger than this one?" His alcohol tolerance was not at all bad, and what he wanted was as likely to be easier for the lubrication of mild inebriation as the conversation had benefited from the lighter version.

When Aurin waited for him to go on, eyes seeming suddenly more piercing than they had been a moment before, Rivin made himself relax and not look away. The intensifying of the Magus' look might have been his own imagination playing with her nerves, but he had no real reason to be nervous so he released the feeling. When he was gone but for a spark he said,

"I was hoping that you might allow me to learn a first lesson in how it is to please the body." He paused only briefly before adding, "Of a man."

His eyes fell over what of the human he could see, and he let it be slow. Watching courtesans and call boys for the last year had taught him some of where to place his eyes, how to hold his body. He needed most somewhere to practice what his mind had learned, to see how it felt in his body when he did it right. A place, a person, who would understand that he was learning, neither laughing at him nor believing he was trying to make a lover out of them. His posture shifted forward subtly, shoulders and chest reaching for what he was looking at. When his eyes returned to Aurin's face he was a little lower than he had been, so now he was looking up into the darker eyes. His own shifted from a pale blue to a pale violet and he stayed thus, waiting to either be corrected in his form, or accepted, or rejected.

[Aurin]

Aurin nodded. Stronger tea it would be.

"Any man?" he asked, then smirked. It was a rhetorical question but a little alcohol did lubricate the situation, if not other things. He stood up, stretching his arms over his head, arching his back until the hem of his shirt rode high enough to offer an expanse of fair skin and ginger hair. Then he took Rivin's mug, poured it halfway full of the spirits, then topped it off with tea from the kettle. He took a sip, then pushed it into Rivin's hands. If they were going to share skin, he figured they could share a mug between them.

Once his hands were free, he began to pull his shirt up and over his head, standing close enough for clinical eyes to examine him, or close enough to overwhelm. Aurin played at respectable businessman, and in some ways he was, but he was also the opposite of shy about his body. His feet were already bare; the magical heating elements kept the worst of the ongoing winter's chill away and he hated shoes when he needn't be shod. He took the mug back, took a sip, and held its heat between his long fingers.

Peering down at his student, he said, "Take off my pants. I suppose you have some exploring to do."

fin.

[Rune]

R E V I E W

Lore: 14 each

Points: 10, Aurin may use for magic

Injuries/Ailments: None

Loot: Lessons in Seduction

Notes: Spicy boys.

Mod XP: None