Even the Orchestra is Beautiful [Aurin/Flashback]

[Arvælyn]

"'Passive' makes it sound like the easier job..." Arry mused, though Aurin made it sound anything but. His Hytori eyes rose to gaze into Aurin's. They darted back and forth from one to the other, trying to read something deeper than their words had ever dared dive.

"In a way I get it." Arry explained, "I feel like I'm not... expression myself well, right now, so I'm coming off like some sheltered little innocent, but that ain't the case. I'm not a little kid, I'm a man grown. It's not like I don't have desires of me own. I understand that bit. I guess I've just... I don't really fancy people what I don't know." He wrinkled his nose, and paused for a beat. This was a revelation for him, and the words had come out before the thought was even fully processed. After taking a moment to acknowledge this new realisation about himself, his eyes darted away from Aurin's- down to the bed below them.

"It's awright, Aurin. I know it's rather silly, really. By rights, I probably should have been about this sort of work already. You'd think I would've been, but I was raised to be so scared of being examined. In the neighbourhood where I grew up, people really, really weren't keen on Elves. I learned to keep me eyes down and the ears covered. Bit of soot to smudge my cheeks offset the 'ytori colouring enough, as long as someone wasn't staring at me. So I did my best to make sure nobody stared at me." He grimaced,

"You don't make me feel small, Aurin. You're the only one what doesn't." He squirmed his body a bit closer to Aurin's, perhaps unconsciously.

"Do you ever pay for those sorts of comforts?" It would ease Arry's mind to know people like Aurin might be amongst his future clients.

[Aurin]

"Well, there's no shame in being experienced or inexperienced," he assured him. "I was too young, I think. I don't regret it because I learned from it, but I don't think I was really prepared. Some people make it out to be some big spiritual thing. It wasn't for me. I just..." He shook his head. "It was a bad scene. A bad lot worse than this scene, anyway. It'll probably be easier for you in some ways, being a man grown."

He sighed, not because he was upset, but because it was heavy.

"I have before," he said. "Nowadays, I don't. Sometimes stars and moods will align and I'll fall into bed with someone and it's nice. It's fun. You were rather out of it when you arrived on my doorstep, so you might not remember, but I wasn't alone." Aurin chuckled. His brow furrowed a bit. "I don't mean that as a brag. It's just a thing that happened. And again, if you choose to add that to your repertory, it's not like every man, woman, and client beyond the binary is going to have access to your body. The goal is to cultivate a few clients that you connect with, that you enjoy spending time with. Madame Lunaria's canny enough to weed out the bad investments in the Cabaret and from among its guests.

"But if you are still considering it, tell her you're considering it. She'll give you some time. She'll also probably be even more diligent about finding you some good clients so you enjoy the experience enough that you don't mind signing on for more. She gets a cut because the Cabaret is hers, and she has an eye for long-term return on investment." If she thought in terms such as those, at least Arry had Aurin to be aware of how things work but also sensitive to his feelings more so than she could afford to be.

[Arvælyn]

Arry frowned.

"I'm sorry to hear that..." He reached out to lay his hand atop Aurin's. It was sad to learn that the man's early experiences seemed to have left him with dark memories.

"And I didn't mean to bring up anything that hurts to remember..." His thumb gently stroked the spot between Aurin's index finger and thumb, "I really appreciate you taking time to talk through all this with me..." He trailed off, as his eyes searched Aurin's once more.

"I remember." He said, with a bit of tension creasing the skin above his jaw for a split second. As Aurin spoke on, Arry considered.

"Well, you make it all sound like it could be really nice... Like, maybe the people who fancy me will be kind and handsome." His gaze drifted from Aurin's eyes down to his lips. "Maybe there are clients out there who are clever and careful. I don't think I'd like to rush to it for the sake of the coin and the chance to advance, I... Well, I wish I could meet someone natural-like and get to know them a bit and maybe explore that way, before I take on anybody for coin." He rolled onto his back and regarded the ceiling, though his hand remained atop Aurin's.

"I think I'd like for you to vet them, Aurin." His free hand toyed with the hem at the bottom of his shirt, "You know me, and now you know what I've got to offer in that department, so... Maybe if anyone takes an interest in me, you can get the feel of them. You're such a good judge of character and that, and maybe there's someone out there who'd even like the fact that I'm new to the scene and would be willing to be patient with me."

[Aurin]

"Aye, I could do that," he allowed. "I hear a lot of what the others say about clients, too. It's always good to listen, Arry. Listen and remember. People say a lot of bullshit things, but sometimes there are pearls hidden in there."

Since he wanted to nap and Arry wanted him here, he decided to get comfortable, moving a bit so he could rest his head on a pillow and slide his arm under Arry's neck so they made more economical use of the space.

"Married people fuck to procreate," he went on. "Most people just fuck to recreate. Poets sing about fucking to just... create. It can make it feel like there's a bond between you and the other person. Maybe there is. People say it helps make love a physical thing, but I don't know about all that." While he wasn't embarrassed to talk about sex, laying it all out like this brought up rather uncomfortable conclusions about his own past, his own life.

It occurred to him that this was new, this physical intimacy coupled with straight talk. But he could feel the dark tide rising, the one that always rose from the depths like a shark sniffing blood in the water. The blood was just his vulnerability, though sometimes he thought it was the vulnerability of others.

"If you just want to get it over with, we could fuck. I'm no Prince Charming and it'll still be awkward, but at least you know me better than anyone else in Kalzasi, I guess." He didn't know if that was what Arry was angling for or if that was what he wanted but didn't know how to ask or didn't know how to articulate it fully in his mind. The bravado of the street helped prevent bigger bads from selecting one as the easiest target, but it also hid real weaknesses so they never got turned into strengths.

[Arvælyn]

"I do listen..." Arry assured Aurin. Listening had been helpful in his old life, as well, and he'd been pretty good at it. His whilom aversion to attention had rendered him more of a listener than a talker. He'd earned more than a few handfuls of coin over the years by eavesdropping for nuggets of information that had led to scores. Indeed, listening wasn't one of the traits he was actively attempting to jettison as he embarked upon this new life.

Arvine shifted a bit, lifting his head to help Aurin tuck his arm beneath his neck. It felt nice being close with him this way. Naturally, given the context of their conversation, he wondered whether he had a proper bond with the man those face was now inches from his own. It felt to Arry like they had a connection. It was only the two of them in the cottage at the moment, so it couldn't have been that Aurin was such a bleeding heart that he took in every stray he encountered. Maybe he saw something truly special in the former urchin of Antiris.

Arry glanced down toward Aurin's chest, as that fateful offer was made. It didn't surprise him, per se, but it left him breathless all the same. The human was so cavalier about it, as if it was just some simple task for Arry to get out of the way so he could move on with his life. It wasn't so casual for the half-Hytori, but his pride wouldn't permit him to relate the true gravity of the act nor of his feelings for his saviour figure who'd so blithely offered to join him in it.

"Yeah, that'd be all right, I guess, if you want." He pursed his lips and shrugged the shoulder that wasn't pressed into the mattress. He hazarded eye-contact, "Do-... would you actually like to? I don't want to, if you're only being charitable."

[Aurin]

"I wouldn't offer if I didn't find you attractive," he said, his smile wry but less sharp than usual. "You're a little shit, but you're cute. There's something about you, I guess. But I don't want you to feel like me helping you out comes with a price tag or anything like that. And I don't want to make things weird... weirder."

He brushed back an errant scrap of gold behind a dagger-like ear. It was almost tender.

"It's a shame you felt like you had to hide yourself." He paused, hazel eyes frankly staring into gold. "My mother — the assassin — she was beautiful. She weaponized her beauty, her sex. Everything was a weapon for her. The courtesans use their beauty as a tool, if not a weapon. I don't know that I can teach you that, but I can maybe help you feel comfortable in your own skin. It's a place to start, anyway." He paused. "Hey, we don't have to do it right now, you know. This... being in the same bed... is new. Maybe sleep with me. Sleep on it. And then decide if you want to do more. It's an offer. One we might both enjoy. But you aren't on the spot here. I mean, I hope you don't feel like I'm pressuring you. It's an offer, that's all..."

Aurin tucked his hands under his cheek. It was better to keep them pinned down if they were idle while a pretty man lay in his bed. Part of him was definitely up for it if Arry was; another part of him was shouting alarums. Somehow neither voice was pleased nor denied yet. It ought to be in Arry's hands, though. Virginity was a construct in a lot of ways, but the young man didn't have a great foundation to build upon yet.

[Arvælyn]

"I like that." Arry decided. "I like your attention, and... I think you're very beautiful." He bit his lip, "'andsome, I mean. No one else looks like you. Not at all. Not to me..." Arvine couldn't recall ever seeing a man who looked like Aurin, but it wouldn't matter if he had. It was the feelings Aurin elicited in him that gave him his uniqueness in the eyes of the half-Hytori. Their bond, to his mind, was ironclad. He may not have had a great track record with caregivers, but not a one had abandoned him since his mother.

He felt goosepimples rise on his neck, as Aurin's hand grazed the back of his ear.

"It is weird." He held the gaze Aurin initiated, "But I don't think in a bad way. And I wouldn't feel like your debtor, if you're serious about fancying me. That's why I wanted to make sure it wasn't nowt but charity." He squirmed himself slightly closer to the human, bending his knees like a chevron pointing to Aurin's waist.

"I think that sounds like a good plan, Aurin." He found himself reaching for the man's face, but his palm halted short of cupping his jaw. The fingers spread slightly- they were trembling.

"I don't know what's all right." He withdrew his hand, and let it fall to the bed between their faces. "If we're going to sleep in the same bed, is it allowed for me to touch you whilst we lie about?" In his normal life, Arvine wasn't the most affectionate of people. He was skittish and awkward about socialising. The touches they're shared to-date had been fleeting gestures- playful or fraternal. Arry may have stolen the odd touch, or let one linger overlong, but never in a manner he couldn't play off as something casual.

[Aurin]

"It's likely to make things confusing," he admitted. "I'm shit with feelings. I don't know if it'll make you feel any particular feelings. The courtesans catch feelings for some of their patrons, but mostly, it seems as though they try to be pragmatic about things. It's not a traditional sort of thing even though, you know, it's as old as people."

Aurin reached out, carefully took Arry's hand, and placed it on his cheek. He turned his face into it, letting the ruddy bristle scratch at Arry's palm, and then kissed him gently there. When he turned his gaze back upon the elf, he was smirking, but he was always smirking. It wasn't unkind.

"I may be shit with feelings, but I know enough about sex. Let's just say for now, if we're here, like this... you're allowed. I don't think you're likely to do something that will upset me, but if that happens, I'll just ask you not to do it again. But I can't get mad at you for ignorance, not if you're trying to learn." He released Arry's hand, though he didn't shake it off his cheek. He let his hand rest on the elf's hip, not groping; just resting. Another point of connection to slowly build a physical comfort between them, a new intimacy. But he didn't pull him closer. Neither did he comment on the little squirms that brought Arry closer.

A chuckle sounded in him like rocks moving at the bottom of a stream.

"I suppose you could think of me as one of your mates from Antiris, sharing sleeping space. That wasn't so bad, right?" He knew there had been some bad blood, but there had been good bits as well, and those sleeping arrangements had led to what little experience the lad did have.

[Arvælyn]

"Well, that's nothing new on my end." Arry half-smiled, "I try to 'ide it, but I'm kind of always confused." He offered, before demurring to the warnings. "Feelings? What's feelings? Never touch the stuff." That was certainly a more comfortable way to present himself to the world- As an immovable statue of polished marble, standing athwart the raging tempests of hardship that had assailed his life. Statues could be beautiful, and Aurin spoke to Arvine as if he were, as well. He may as well have been the sculptor, for how Arry now shone.

His fingers tips were cool against the warmth of Aurin's face and his digits splayed slightly as a kiss was placed upon his palm. The gesture was enough to send a pulse of something through his too-slender body- an energy that gathered beneath the fabric of his borrowed trousers.

"You can get mad at me for bloody well anything, whether it makes sense or not." Arry corrected, seeming confused at the assertion of pragmatism. He'd spend his entire life to-date subject to the moods and whims of people who'd never bothered rationalising their rage, nor apologising for taking it out on Arry when he happened to be in its path.

"You're much too 'andsome to remind me one of me mates from back 'ome. And too clean." He added, an afterthought, "But we can overlook that." He turned his back on Aurin, and scooted back against him. He reached behind himself to take Aurin's wrist and pull the human's arm over his body, clutching the hand where it came to rest at his sternum.

"If you fancy a nap, I'll sleep better with your breath on me neck." That was an old comfort that had followed him since he was a child sleeping in his father's bed for warmth on cold winter nights, and through his time huddling up to the larger bodies that populated the hideout when Frost came to Antiris.

"No." He agreed, "That wasn't so bad, at all..."

[Aurin]

"You shine brighter when you're scrubbed and polished, too, kid," he said, laughing quietly as they maneuvered into a more comfortable position to nap. He improvised with what Arry gave him, then shimmied closer so their bodies were flush. He nuzzled the fabric on Arry's shoulder, then kissed the skin where his shoulder met his neck, then inhaled deeply with his nose pressed into golden hair.

"You smell better for a bath, as well." His arms were around Arry for the first time since he had caught his fainting body on the doorstep. He tightened them briefly.

Aurin tried to think of the right words to say, but he couldn't come up with anything. He wanted to say not to be nervous, but it was natural to be nervous. He wanted to say he would never hurt him, but they both knew that to be a lie. People hurt people, whether it was premeditated or in a moment of pique. A part of him even wanted to say fairy tale lies, but he didn't believe in happily ever after for most people, let alone himself. It might be a nice dream, but men like them couldn't afford to dream. The tigers came at night and took their childhoods in their stride, and the best one could do was learn to hold one's breath until the floodwaters receded.

Even in his head, his metaphors were mixed. It was good that most of his thoughts never escaped his damnfool skull.

Wanting to say something, though, because a warm body in his bed always made sleep come so easily and the moment might pass him by, he asked, "Is this all right?"

It was, for Aurin, at least, an important question. There were plenty of people who would seek to contract Arry's affections who would not even think to ask, let alone care what his answer might be.