Aurin was quiet for all of that. But a beat or two after the apology, he rose with a faint grunt of annoyance—not at Arry exactly—and joined him by the window, although he was careful to give him plenty of space between them.
"You aren't wrong," he acknowledged quietly, eyes taking in the cityscape, "but that is, as the scholars say, reductive." He cleared his throat, uncomfortable. "I've blamed your... Mesmer... for my feelings before, but that isn't it. Well, perhaps a few nudges here and there, but I could semble a spell slung at me. A part of me will always see you with that hat pulled down to hide your ears, a pretty boy in need, someone to take care of... I'll always want you. Always sort of did, even when you were too young."
Aurin shrugged that admission off. He had always been up-front with people that he was a bad man.
"I'll always feel a little bit of ownership, even when I know you've grown into your own man. And more beside. And you sacrificed your life in Kalzasi... me... that's fine. But you don't have to sacrifice me."
His knuckles hurt a bit where they supported him against the sill on the opposite side of the window from Arry. He drank his wine tetchily.
"I'm not actually demanding anything of you, you know." It felt more like offering, but how things made sense in his mind rarely seemed to translate into words or into Arry's understanding. "What do you reckon? Did Mum let me in so I'd misbehave and show you more of what you aren't missing in your life?" His smirk was tired, self-deprecating somehow. He had come a long way to see pretty Arry, knowing he would find His Exalted Highness instead. Perhaps if they let him help hunt down the bitch queen, he could rally, but right now he just felt tired and irrelevant.
He just wanted to be naked with Arry in his old bed that hadn't been properly big enough for the two of them, complaining about him as code for expressing his affection, the two of them clinging to each other in the dark.
"You aren't wrong," he acknowledged quietly, eyes taking in the cityscape, "but that is, as the scholars say, reductive." He cleared his throat, uncomfortable. "I've blamed your... Mesmer... for my feelings before, but that isn't it. Well, perhaps a few nudges here and there, but I could semble a spell slung at me. A part of me will always see you with that hat pulled down to hide your ears, a pretty boy in need, someone to take care of... I'll always want you. Always sort of did, even when you were too young."
Aurin shrugged that admission off. He had always been up-front with people that he was a bad man.
"I'll always feel a little bit of ownership, even when I know you've grown into your own man. And more beside. And you sacrificed your life in Kalzasi... me... that's fine. But you don't have to sacrifice me."
His knuckles hurt a bit where they supported him against the sill on the opposite side of the window from Arry. He drank his wine tetchily.
"I'm not actually demanding anything of you, you know." It felt more like offering, but how things made sense in his mind rarely seemed to translate into words or into Arry's understanding. "What do you reckon? Did Mum let me in so I'd misbehave and show you more of what you aren't missing in your life?" His smirk was tired, self-deprecating somehow. He had come a long way to see pretty Arry, knowing he would find His Exalted Highness instead. Perhaps if they let him help hunt down the bitch queen, he could rally, but right now he just felt tired and irrelevant.
He just wanted to be naked with Arry in his old bed that hadn't been properly big enough for the two of them, complaining about him as code for expressing his affection, the two of them clinging to each other in the dark.