Frost 3rd, Year 119, Age of Steel
The cold didn't seem like it nipped her skin quite as ferociously. Or maybe she was just numb. Today was a cold day, but not in the physical sense. It was early in the morning, practically still night. Because of that, it was quiet for the most part. Of course, it probably would have been quite either way. She wasn't sure how many people wandered all that far from the city walls.
She herself had gone a little way out. Not far enough to get lost, but far enough that she was distant for the city. Alone with herself and her thoughts in the endless silence right before dawn. The darkness swirled all around her, but it wasn't scary or stifling. It felt like a cradle, familiar and gentle. The silent dark was safer than a crowded city would ever feel for her, the only breaks in that silence being the sound of the occasional beast and the only break in that darkness being the moon and stars. Perhaps she was strange, but she was exactly what Isra had raised her to be. With all the compassion and love of an angry bear who decided to adopt a mortal child.
Isra...
The 3rd of Frost was the day that Isra used to claim she was born. Right at the cusp of the true cold season, when the air was dry and crisp. When everything was blanketed in white and the nights were truly long and dark. She came into this world in the dark, swaddled in the inky blackness. Nothing could find her and nothing could hurt her. That was the knowledge that Isra had long since tried to impart on Alyssum. The dark was her friend. It was safety and it was familiar.
There was no need to fear the monsters living in the darkness when they couldn't even find you.
While Rúnar had always been obsessed with making sure Alyssum relaxed and took it easy on birthdays, Isra had belonged to a very different ideology. Work, work hard and long. If you can't work, then make sure you aren't idling. Always changing, always moving, like the persistent and constant heave of a chest as a person breathing. Life should move just like your breath, it wasn't something that was meant to stagnate and freeze.
When Alyssum was younger she followed those rules, shifting and changing as Isra demanded. Never spending the day stagnant, always changing up the tradition.
She wondered if Isra would be disappointed to learn that one tradition had emerged for the Rathari over the years. One thing that she always did on this day, one thing that always stayed the same without question.
Alyssum dropped to her knees among the darkness, pressing into the cold chill. It didn't bother her. She pressed her hands together. She dipped her head. She prayed.
"Sorry I haven't said much lately, mom. Life's been pretty chaotic!" She released something of a dry laugh. She always wondered if her 'mother' was actually listening. She never knew her birth mother. Same with her father. She didn't know who or even what they were. But she knew she had a mother. Not the one that had lost or abandoned her, but the one that Isra told her about. The one that she felt raised her, even if it wasn't direct. The one she pulled personality and traits from and wove them into herself so she could create her own tapestry for what she was. Deciding for herself who she was instead of letting the ill-conceived perceptions of others define her, completely free to decide what she was.
That freedom.
"Naori," she whispered quietly. "I hope you're taking good care of Isra, wherever she is. After all, I wanna see her again! Even if it isn't in this life... Rúnar too. Oh, but, he never completed his Purpose so I suppose he didn't get to go home yet. In his next life, keep an eye on him for me? He's pretty forgetful and he likes to big his fingers with his hammer if he's not paying attention. You'd almost feel bad for him if it didn't seem so intentional!" Another dry laugh. She fell silent for a couple of moments, sniffling quietly.
A couple of stray tears gathered in her eyes, managing a grand escape down her cheeks and falling pathetically against the snow beneath her knees.
"Mama, I really don't know what to do," she whimpered, lowering her head a little farther and flattening her ears against her head. "I want to go home, but I don't know where home is anymore. I want to be with you and Isra, but I don't know where either of you even are. I miss you. I know you were never actually there. Never physically. But I knew, I knew that on some level you were there. I don't feel that anymore, not since I was left alone, and I don't know how to keep going..."
Alyssum parted her hands, using them to wipe at her eyes which were starting to pour over with salty tears. She hated that her nose was starting to get stuffed up, but there wasn't really much she could do about it.
She didn't try to stop the tears. She just sat there, letting herself cry until her body ran out of energy. When she was calmed enough, she continued talking as though nothing had even happened.
"At the very least I managed to find a job. That's part of why I couldn't talk to you sooner. Admittedly, I was a bit worried about that. Jobs are stupid, money is also stupid. I understand why they exist, but they're stupid. I have to make so much money if I ever want to buy that house I told you about. After that, life will be soooo much better. But that house is gonna got a fortune according to my calculations, especially if I want to make it as fancy as I've decided I'm going to. It'll take me years to save up enough. But I'll willing to work my tail off doing odd jobs... and back alley potion dealing," she muttered the last part, but smiled mischievously. As though she was telling a secret to someone who'd actually understand it.
"I know that you'd tell me you're proud of me if you could. I've been trying hard to do just that. When I complete my Purpose and finally get to go home, I hope you tell me just how proud of me you are. I hope I complete my Purpose soon though. I don't even know what it is, or what it's supposed to mean! All I know is that it's supposed to do with you guys. I wish Duncle Aedrin had been a bit more clear, but I suppose that's Myshala's fault. Not his. Would you fault me if I tried to fight her if I ever meet her? No, that's probably a stupid idea..."
"Well, even though that's a mess at least life seems to be going in an okay direction. That job I mentioned? I'm actually working with an Avialae. I don't know if he's part of a noble house yet, but he might be. If possible, I'm going to try and get him to vouch for my citizenship at the end of the season. I need to get it if I ever want to visit against once I get my business up and running. It would be pretty illegal to come back here once it is and try to run it. I say, as though I'm above illegal activity when the law is stupid. Not to mention really biased. I mean, isn't it kind of racist that only an Avialae can vouch for you? That seems kind of stupid to me. In fact, if I don't get my citizenship I might come back here just to intentionally break such a stupid rule. Stupid, stupid, biased."
Her chaotic little mind was whirring with thoughts of how she could express that agitation in a way that would possibly cause a change, but peoples like these were probably set in their ways. Then again, she was naturally a creature of chaos. If there was a purpose to it, she'd find a way to cause a mess. That included making a dramatic claim about her thoughts regarding the legal systems of Kalzasi.
"Anyway though, I'm still thinking of you. All of you. Tell Isra I love her. Love you mom, take care. Okay?" Alyssum sagged slightly, her eyes tipping downwards as a couple more stray tears escaped her eyes.
She stood up on shaky legs, partially numb from the cold even with all the layers of clothing she had on. She had work to do. She finally had a job! A job making weaponry no less. And someone wanted to learn Alchemy from her. She was going to be okay. Everything was going to be fine. She just needed to make it through. She'd be okay. She'd be okay.
With her still partially frozen legs she waddled her way back to the Skyforge, hoping to get inside and get to work so she could potentially warm up. Today would be her first day, so she had to try and stun Talon with her skills! After all, she wanted him to like her.
